#crying rn HIS STUPID FUCKING FACE THIS SHOULD BE EASY WHAT THE FUCK

[jasper-juice98]

Chat.......

Why is Starscream so hard to draw-

[pshbites]

NO ESCAPE ━ nrk

pairing : bf!riki x fem!reader genre : fluff, est. relationship, angsty, college au warnings : desc. of a panic attack, crying, profanity synopsis : in which your boyfriend helps you through a mini panic attack wc : 0.6k a/n : for anyone who feels weirdly anxious rn <3, everything will get better just take a deep breathe and take it easy!

if u enjoyed pls like & reblog, feedback is always appreciated!!

your face was burning up. your stomach was in knots, you felt your heartbeat racing. the due date of your major project looked back at you, 2 days. you were two whole days late. that was 48 hours, 2,880 minutes, and 172,800 seconds. you were late, you couldn’t do anything about it either. 

“fuck” you mumbled, picking the skin around your nails. you flipped through your notebook, going back to the page you wrote the due date on. coincidentally you wrote the date for today as the due date. you looked at your laptop screen, eyes brimming with tears. riki furrowed his brows and looked up from his own laptop. 

he watched your chest go up and down, your eyes filling with more tears until one finally fell. “babe? what is it?” his soft voice broke you out of your own thoughts, shaking your head and beginning to sob. riki rushed up from his seat and sat down next to you, holding you in his arms. 

everything had been stressing you out lately and this was just the tip of the iceberg, you were helpless. you were stupid you missed the due date and you couldn’t ask for an extension either. the more you cried in his chest, the harder it started getting to breathe, like something was on your chest, stopping your lungs. almost as if it was this dumbbell weighing down on you and it wouldn’t go away. 

riki let go of you and held your face in his hands, making you look at him. “breathe baby breathe, like this” he breathed in and out slowly in front of you, making you mirror his own actions. he nodded as he continued to do breathing exercises with you. his thumbs wiped the tears from your cheeks, grounding you. 

the room didn’t feel like it was caving in anymore, that weight on your chest was now long gone. “what happened, baby” he asked, still looking into your eyes. you glanced at your laptop and sighed out. “i missed the due date by two whole days” he let go of your face, letting you turn fully to face the laptop. you fumbled with your notebook, hands still shaking. “i have to email my professor and get everything in order. probably cram-“ riki grabbed your hands to stop you from frantically moving around. 

he held them together and looked at you, “baby, it’s fine. you can do that tomorrow but right now, let’s call it a night” you shook your head, “no i need to-“ “look at me” riki spoke softly, causing you to look at him. his eyes looked in your own, in his eyes you looked tired and burnt out. one of his hands left yours and cupped your cheek. “you need a break,” he said, making you sigh. 

“everything will still be here tomorrow, just relax for tonight? okay?” you hesitated and sighed once more, how could you argue when looking in his own eyes full of worry. you nodded, making him smile softly. he leaned in to kiss your forehead and began packing your things up from the library table. 

you watched as he shut your laptop and stacked all your things, putting them neatly in your bag and then gathered his own things. you stood up as he put his backpack on and picked up your tote bag, slinging it on his shoulder. “thank you” you said, as he intertwined your hand with his own. “of course baby, now what kind of ice cream should we get.” he smiled down at you, making you smile back. 

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[ricstappen]

That anon is fucking awful what the fuck. I’m so sorry you have to receive that and probably others like it that we don’t see. You’re right it’s such childish immature behaviour, also would they say anything like that to your face? Being anonymous myself rn is such an easy thing for me, and actually harder for you and we need to not take that for granted.

Also even if you’re not a fan of a particular person, sending hate like that is just wrong. Obviously people (esp if famous) should be held accountable but that doesn’t equal hate. The internet has made that very difficult.

I’ve been on tumblr on and off since 2009 and the ‘no shades of grey’ mentality is still going strong. I know what people like that are like because I used to be one of them when I was like 22/23. I actively made myself miserable on this site by constantly engaging in content that made me angry and upset. it made me unbearable in real life too because I was applying ‘sjw tumblr logic’ to the outside world and honestly, I sounded stupid as hell doing it

these people are so convinced of their own righteousness that they lose their critical thinking skills and just repeat the same words and phrases they see their friends use, because that’s what is going to get them admission to the club. that’s what’s going to get them clicks and a bunch of people in their notes going ‘yaaaas bestie’.

now instead of being an internet activist I put my money and real life time where my mouth is because I’ve found it’s infinitely more helpful to the actual real world then me reblogging a bunch of posts and fighting with people in the comments hoping that I’ll convince them to join my side

people can harp on about max using an ableist slur all they want (which I agree was not good - but has he used it again since he was told off about it? no.) but to imply he’s ‘ableist/racist/whatever-íst’ implies a systemic pattern of behaviour which he doesn’t exhibit. if he learns from his mistakes then that’s great and we move on. all an apology would do now is make people more incensed saying it’s “too little too late” so he wouldn’t win either way and I don’t blame him for moving on and not wanting to get into that shit storm again. sometimes you have to let things go. if there are any mongolian people out there still enraged about not getting an apology then obviously reach out and I’m happy to eat my words - but I doubt anyone is crying themselves to sleep at night years later thinking about a word a racing driver used once.

i’ve learned there’s better things to spend my time on. I’m here to enjoy the dumb hours I spend on tumblr because it’s fun - not because I want to invite stress into my life about privileged millionaires whose actions I can’t control. but if those people want to spend their free time actively making themselves miserable - go for it. I’ve been there and I know how much it sucks and I know how much it makes your friends and family think you suck. they’ll learn eventually it’s part of growing up.

[606writings]

Could i request a Saeran and Saeyoung scenario where the MC has been secretly going to therapy for her mentally abusive mom and didn't wanna tell them because they had it way worse? Or just Saeran, whicherver you prefer. I could use something like this rn haha

SC: Therapy [Saeran]

Genre: Fluff.

Word count: 2,434.

You were coming out of your therapy session later than usual; you had a heavy and very emotional session and things dragged on way longer than what you expected. Your eyes were all swollen and your face was completely flushed because you had spent the last two hours crying non-stop.

Fuck, I’m late.

You thought to yourself, looking at your phone to check the hour. It was already 2:45 p.m., you were supposed to be home by 2:30 to receive your boyfriend.

I hope I don’t look like a mess by the time I get there…

While running down the street, both your hands were busy tying up your hair in a bun, sniffling and trying to regain your composure. You didn’t want Saeyoung or Saeran asking why you looked like that when you were “just buying groceries”.

You had to admit going to therapy wasn’t an easy thing to do, but what made it much worse was the fact that no one knew about it and you had to keep it a secret from your closest friends and even your boyfriend.

It wasn’t something you were ashamed of, in fact you always tried to encourage everyone around you to reach out for help when they needed it. And, of course you wouldn’t be ashamed of getting professional help when Saeran, the love of your life and the most important person to you, was going through the same thing.

You always tried to show him all the love and support he needed throughout his process of recovery, you were happy to be by his side and help him. But that was exactly why you hadn’t told anyone about your own problem; you didn’t want to be a burden to him or the rest of the RFA, you felt that it was not necessary.

Since you were younger, you were used to take care of yourself and be responsible of your own health –physical and mental health—. That’s why it wasn’t something new for you to go through difficult processes alone.

After another 15 minutes of bus ride, you were finally a few meters away from the home you shared with the Choi twins.

You stopped for a moment in front of the door trying to catch your breath and act as if nothing ever happened, but the moment you extended your hand to reach the front door you stood frozen.

I forgot the groceries! You screamed internally, realizing you had no excuse to why you arrived home so late and empty handed.

Usually, you got out of your session early enough to go to the supermarket and buy some things to prepare a special dinner. Every week you did Saeran’s favorite dish knowing it must have been a rough day for him.

Even if you two were going through the same process of recovery, you wouldn’t dare to compare your own trauma to his. You were convinced he had it much worse. Sure, you had a mentally abusive mom and a frustrated childhood due to your parent´s negligence, but at least you could go out of your house without gangsters hired by an important politician going after you every second.

Saeran didn’t have to deal with your problems, he already had enough by himself.

The moment you were back into your senses, you thought of walking to the nearest supermarket and buy at least frozen food and some ice cream, you could invent some sort of excuse on your way back home. But your plans were ruined by the motion sensor camera, that had already alerted Saeyoung of your presence in front of the house.

The door opened suddenly showing a confused red head looking at you with expectation.

“MC, why are you so late? You should have called me to pick you up.” Saeyoung asked, leaning his head lightly in confusion.

“Ah… I—I forgot my purse, and I…” Your eyes suddenly lit up when the perfect lie crossed your mind. “And I thought I left it at the store, but then after a long time looking for it, I realized I forgot it at home.”

With your head nodding fervently trying to look convinced, you pursed your lips to avoid any more words to come out of it and ruin your excuse.

Saeyoung looked even more confused, and with furrowed brows he pointed at something below you:

“Your purse is on your right hand.”

You looked down and, once again in less 5 minutes you froze in your place, amazed by your stupidity.

“Well… I…“ With your eyes still locked on your right hand, you searched in our head looking for any explanation, before being interrupted by a calmer voice.

“What’s going on? Why aren’t you getting in?” Saeran asked, walking passed his brother and reaching out to take your hand and guide you inside.

Saeyoung locked the door behind you still looking cautiously at you.

“MC… You didn’t even go to the supermarket, did you?” He asked kindly.

You avoided his gaze with your hands still holding firmly Saeran’s, when you felt your boyfriend stop abruptly in front of you. He turned around and looked at you, noticing how you had brought nothing, and then looked at his brother.

“I did! It’s just that… Ummm, it’s just…” Your voice started getting smaller and smaller as you spoke, no excuse arrived on time to your mind to get you out of the current situation.

“MC…” A soft and cold hand took your chin and gently made you look at the loving eyes in front of you. Saeran was analyzing your face with a calm expression on his. “I can tell you’re lying. If there’s something going on, you can tell me.”

Looking at his noble expression, you started feeling bad for hiding something from him. Even though you thought it was better this way, you didn’t like it a single bit.

Since there was no believable excuse for you to tell them, you resigned and considered telling the truth.

“You know if there’s something you need to tell us we’ll help you with anything you need.” Saeran spoke once again, giving you the reassurance you needed to take the final step and tell them the truth.

“Uh, I feel like this is something you need to talk just the two of you, so I’ll be in my room until you need me…” Saeyoung said switching his stare between you and his twin, sensing his time to step out of the conversation, and then walked out slowly.

You witnessed as he left and then looked back at the expecting eyes before you. Clearing your throat, you prepared yourself mentally to talk about the truth:

“Ummm… You know I don’t have a good relationship with my parents…”

“Yes, I do remember that…” He raised slightly a brow with confusion.

“Well, I think the situation with the is a bit more serious than just ‘not getting along’… You could say I was abused by my mother and neglected by my father…” You explained yourself the best you could with all the nervousness flowing inside you. “Oh! But I was not abused physically! They rarely touched me…”

Saeran closed his eyes and made a disgusted grin, showing how he was getting angry about what you were telling him, so you hurried and kept explaining the rest:

“That was a long time ago! I mean, my mom is still as shit as ever but since I don’t talk to her anymore it’s all in the past… That’s why I decided to go to therapy…”

Saeran was listening with his eyes still closed, until you said that last part. It took him by surprise and he wasn’t sure how to react.

“I’ve been going to therapy since we started dating, I wanted to be in my best condition so I could help you too, you know? When I met you, I wanted to be a strong and reliable person for you, but I wasn’t, I had too many things inside me that were holding me back…”

You took a step closer to him and grabbed both his hands, as if that would help you share your emotions and thoughts better.

“I didn’t tell anyone about it because I thought it would be a burden for you, you had enough things to deal with already.” A wave of regret invaded you now that the truth was coming out of your mouth finally. “I’m so sorry for lying and inventing such stupid excuses, but I was convinced it was better this way.”

You stood silent for a few minutes, just holding Saeran’s hands tightly while he looked at you scrutinizing ever word you said.

Finally, after what felt like hours, he opened his mouth to respond with honesty and a bit of hurt in his tone:

“I’m a bit disappointed, MC.” Saeran looked down at your hands holding his, and then looked up at you again, his words taking you by surprise but at the same time, you knew it was a normal reaction.

“I’m slightly disappointed because all this time I’ve been sharing the deepest and darkest parts of myself with you, and I chose to be honest and talk about my past. But you’re still hiding from me.”

His words made sense. He always talked with you about the progress he made every week, even if it was difficult or painful, he wanted you to hear how he was slowly becoming a better and stronger person. That meant a lot to him.

That’s why it saddened him hearing you say you were “a burden to him”, he didn’t expect you to tell him every single detail about your past, but he expected the same level of confidence and honesty from you.

“I know we didn’t go through the same experiences, MC, but please don’t belittle your struggles like that. The reason why I’m trying so hard to get better is because of you. I want to protect you and be with you the rest of my life, making you happy. But I can’t do that if you’re not ready to share things like that with me…”

The weight of his words pierced through your heart. A small part of your chest started burning due to the arousal of emotions waking up inside you. You were speechless to his sincerity and his pained voice, and could tell he was really hurt because of your choices.

“Saeran, I’m so sorry…” Was the only thing you could say in that moment, instead you decided to step forward and pull him into you for a tight embrace, being that the only way you could show him how much you cared for him and how sorry you felt.

He was noticeably surprised by your actions at first, but after a few seconds he raised both his arms and wrapped them around you with gentleness. The moment his hands were placed on your back, all the emotions and tears you had been trying to hide came out suddenly, and between tears you spoke once again:

“I love you so much, I just wanted you to only see the good side of me…! I wanted you to think of me as someone strong enough to help you, but how can I do so if I can’t even deal with my own issues…?”

Your boyfriend sighed at your words.

“MC, I can’t tell you how much I disagree with you.” He replied, taking a small step back just enough to have you two face to face, so you could see the seriousness in his eyes. “You’re the strongest person I know, not because of how much you endure your pain, but because no matter what happens or how much you go through, you always manage to stay bright and see the good things in the world.

“Despite everything, you still smile cheerfully and laugh, you are a loving and caring person and I admire you so much because of that. And now that you tell me about your past and the way you’ve been dealing with that on your own, I admire you even more.

Look at me, I needed your help and my brother’s to realize how wrong and how damaged I was in the past. But you only had yourself to rely on, and still made it through and reached out for help.”

His feelings and thoughts were calming the deepest fears buried in your heart, making you feel thankful for having the most awesome boyfriend ever and being able to be beside him no matter what. Your tears wouldn’t stop falling across your face as he kept talking:

“I don’t need you to only show me ‘your good side’, I need you to show me all of you so we can grow together and become the best of ourselves for each other. I want to know the darkest parts of you so I can light them up and help you through them, just as you are doing with me.”

With his right thumb he gently brushed your tears off, caressing your skin as a silent message of support. Everything he said was leaving a huge impact on you, but his last words sealed any doubt that could be left:

“I love you more than anything else; I love every single thing about you. I want to keep discovering more and more of you, so I can love you even more.” Saeran leaned his face towards yours slowly, his breath warming your wet cheeks as every word left his mouth. “MC, will you let me love you even more from now on?”

Only two seconds passed before you nodded with shyness to his question, giving him the confirmation he so much wanted just before he closed any space left between the two of you to kiss you deeply.

It was as if that kiss erased the fears even you didn’t notice were there, letting you finally be at peace with yourself and be able to admit you needed his help too to go through the journey of recovery. You even felt relieved for finally talking the truth.

This was a new step in your relationship, you were ready now to ask for his help and support from now on, and show him your deepest struggles and fears knowing he would be by your side until you find your own answers.

You sighed in relief after separating your lips from his, and cleared your throat before speaking:

“Thank you, Saeran…” He smiled at you with love. “Let’s do this together from now on, okay?”

[milkacchan]

Request for anon: Omg could you please make a part two of an S/O who's stupid good with kids but with Shinsou, tamaki, deku, and aizawa??

This is a lil long bc it was 4 characters! And I kinda changed Aizawa up a little bit so I hope you still like it.

Deku-

• Shit happens

• Shit happens all the time

• This specific incident involved a quirk manifestation and a child.

• You and two had just been walking

• Just chilling out after a rigorous training day

• Then there was screaming and panicking. Your head snapped in its direction, he hadn't fully processed it before you'd taken off

• Some kids quirk had manifested. It seemed pretty severe.

• It looked like some kind of energy quirk, like a force field or something.

• The kid was scared, she was panicking and thrashing from her place in the air

• He stood behind you, surveying the environment to find a solution

• And he almost missed you jumping in until her heard your voice.

"Okay baby, look at me, just look at me and breathe. You'll be okay, Just breathe."

• You were walking towards her, trying to get her to slow her breaths. The more she panicked the worse it would get.

• He stood where he was, he didn't want to overwhelm her, he decided he'd let you take care of it.

• He watched quietly as you breathed with her, again reassuring that'd she'd be just fine.

• And he watched as the field flickered away and the girl fell. His body lurched foward on instinct and he was beyond relieved when he saw that you had caught her.

• He let out a breath as the girl gripped your shirt and sobbed into your shoulder.

• A hand reached up to hold the back of her head

• "it's okay," you murmured and he smiled

• It seemed to come easy to you, nurturing people. It seemed to come easy calming this girl down.

• He turned his attention to reassuring the bystanders that the two of you were okay and that you'd be taking the girl home. They dispersed slowly after his urging for them to leave.

• You were standing now, the girl still in your arms, holding on for dear life.

• Poor thing was still shaking

• "Look," you hummed. "This is my friend, he's going to walk with us to get you home. That okay?"

• Your hand was rubbing her back now and your cheek was pressed against her temple

• Dekus heart fluttered

• God you were beautiful

• And strong

• And just everything he ever wanted

• The small girl nodded, keeping her face hidden, whispering a soft sorry

• "Don't be sorry princess, you didn't do anything wrong." You pressed a kiss to the top of her head and Deku sees the girls grip tighten.

• He has a hand on your lower back during the walk to the girls house, you'd somehow managed to find where it was even with all the crying the girl did

• He watched as you hand the girl over to her mother who profusely thanks you

• Information is traded as she says she wants to make it up to you even after your assurance that it was no trouble at all

• And he's holding your hand again when the two of you leave, going on and on about how well you did in the situation

• He's so proud

Shinsou:

• He realizes just how good with kids you are when he she's you interact with Eri

• I mean everytime the two of you are together its wholesome

• He takes note when Aizawa tries to apologize for her always being with you and you brush it off

• You enjoyed her company and found no problem in it

• Shinsou tucked that piece away for later

• The girl adored you, genuinely

• And you stopped at nothing to make sure she was okay

• She'd spend a lot of time in the 1-A dorms with you, just as he would.

• If she said she was hungry, you'd be up to make her food in no time

• If she cried, you'd have her on your lap, wiping the tears from her cheeks as you assured her it was okay

• and he'd watch, soft smile gracing his lips

• She'd spent the night with you on more than one occasion

• Nightmares were prominent with Eri

• Staying with you seemed to help that

• He'd sit beside you as you braided her hair

• He'd listen to her ramble to you and he'd watch you nod and hum in response

• He'll lay on one side of you and Eri will lay on the other side, curled into your side as she watches whatever disney movie she picked

• and his heart will swell when the two of you sing along to the songs

• When Eries feeling down, she comes to you for comfort

• You'll tell her how beautiful she is

• He'll watch you hold her to your chest and rub her back

• He watches you play with her hair, kiss her cheeks, telling her how amazing she is

• How you're lucky to have her with you

• He'll watch as she falls asleep in your arms, content

• And it always makes him realizes just how lucky he is to be with you

• How lucky he is to have /you/

• How lucky Eri is to have you

• I mean this man fr fr in love w you

• This one time, you and shinsou had fallen asleep watching a movie, it was about 3am when there was a small knock on the door

• You get up to answer it and Shinsou wakes up to you getting up

• Sure enough its Eri, she's sniffling and holding her stuffed animal

• And immediately your kneeling in front of her wiping her cheeks

• "Baby what's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare...I didn't want to wake mr. Aizawa up. I didn't want to make him mad..."

"Oh honey," you kiss her nose and pick her up, rubbing her back in response to her small whine. "You want some tea? Then you can stay with me for the night? We can tell Mr. Aizawa in the morning, he won't get mad."

She nods, laying her head on your shoulder. "Hi Shinsou," she waves weakly. "I'm sorry for waking you up too."

"Hi Eri," and he gets up too, walking over and running a hand through her hair. "It's okay, you're safe here. We won't let anything happen to you."

She nods again

He follows the two of you down the hallway and to the kitchen

Mina, Kaminari, and Sero are still up on the couch. He snickers as you glare at them.

"You guys should be asleep. Get out."

Mina groans and Sero grins knowingly, pulling the other two out.

• I mean shinous heart is melting rn

• you're like totally momming out

• You've got Eri in one arm, humming by her ear as you turned the stove on to get a kettle boiling

• You're swaying gently, readjusting her so she's in the center of your chest

• you run a hand through her hair and she smiles

• And Shinsou swears he could die right there

• Just looking at you interacting with the kid he considers a little sister is enough to kill him fr fr

• His poor heart can't take much more

• Eri lifts her little hands up to cup your cheeks. "You're not going to leave right?"

"Never ever," you smiled, touching your nose to hers.

Then she looked at Shinsou and this man about passed out. "Never." He puts a hand on her head. "We'll always be here,"

• The tea is made, the three of you drink it at the table, bent on getting Eris mind off her nightmare

• And then you carry her upstairs again and down the hall into your bedroom.

• the three of you settle down and you out on a movie (volume low of course) that she can fall asleep too and it's not long before she's out, pressed into your side.

• Shinsou smiles and kisses your temple. "I love you, you know,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I love you too. Now stop being a sap, its gross." You stick your tongue out and he let's out a low chuckle.

"You're good with her."

"I want her to be happy," you mumble. "She deserves that at least. And if the world doesnt have anyone else doing it, then I'll do it."

He kisses your temple again. "I know."

• Ever since Eri came to live in the dorms, you've gotten up earlier, mostly to make the girl breakfast

• The whole class realizes it, sometimes they'll try to steal some but you'll obliterate them for trying

• You've always got Eri in some proximity to you when you're cooking. Usually she'll watch

• Shinsou finds himself sneaking into the 1A dorms in the mornings (much to his classes distaste) but how could he not?

Aizawa-

• He realizes that you talk a lot of shit about how much you 'hate kids' but when it comes to them, you're always doing your best to make sure they're comfortable and happy

• Its another pro hero moment

• His class is attacked and you happen to be there and this man watches you go FERAL protecting these fucking teenagers and his heart swells and he'd filled with so much fucking pride

• The dumbass villain who fuckin tried is now on the ground in front of you completely beat to a pulp

• Poor guy had no chance

• As soon as you knew he was out your attention had turned to the kids behind you

• You checked for injuries, concussions, made sure they felt okay

• Mina looks like she's on the verge of tears, deadass hits you with 'can you be my mom?????'

• Kaminari and Sero are nodding in agreement. 'Pls'

• He tried to tease you about it

• "Shouta I'll knock your ass out too, shut your fucking mouth,"

• 'Reluctantly' becomes class mom

• Deadass

• You find yourself bringing snacks or making them something and Shouta brings it in 🤢

• Ur like oh god ew

• 'Shouta take this shit in for ur fuckin kids'

'You mean OUR kids'

• That was instance one

• Happens again but this time in the city during a robbery with smaller kids, much smaller

• And you don't waste a second, you're by their side

• Checking to make sure none if them are physically hurt

• So then you work on calming them down, telling them to breathe and just look at you

• Gently rubbing they're cheeks and keeping them close to you

• Shoutas 🥺

• Midnights 🥺

• Hizashis 🥺

• "M scared-"

"I know baby, but its gonna be okay. We won't let anything happen, okay?"

• And you carry these little fuckers out

• Ones on your back

• You've got one on each hip

• And another sitting on your shoulders

• Aizawa see's right through you

• "So...you say you don't like kids??"

"Hizashi I will LITERALLY hang you by your underwear, get away from me."

• God one time he see's you singing to this kid who's panicking and he deadass thinks he's gonna cry bc you're so precious

• And then Eri comes into the picture and you dont even pretend to hate kids anymore

• This child becomes your daughter

• And he's v happy about it because he wasn't one to really think about having kids

• But he's not gonna let Eri go, she's been through to much

• Not to mention practically adopting shinsou

• He's glad you're doing well with them

• They've seen your soft sides, much to your distaste, but they dont know that

• speaking of shinsou

• You do lowkey mom him

• Not to a super extent

• You're more like the cool aunt w mom tendencies

• But they're both happy to have some consistencies

• Shinsou knows that he's always welcome to come talk to you (and Aizawa but you know sometimes shit pops up that he's not particularly comfy w and you seem to be good at that)

• And he does

• Aizawa has accidently overheard his fair share of conversations between you two

• It always makes him happy that you all connect on that level

• I mean he wouldn't mind having a biological child

• But he's content with the family dynamic they have rn

• as much as you deny it you'd be a great mother

Tamaki:

• Tamaki isn't /bad/ w kids but he's not super great with them either

• Anxiety do be a bitch

• You always seem to ease up around kids

• He likes to watch

• Kids just seem to gravitate towards you, regardless of where you are, genuinely

• At the park? Oh boy he's ready to watch you interact with the kiddos

• Restaurant? Oh yeah, he's ready for some 5 year old to waddle up and talk.

• But in particularly rough situations, he's always super impressed. You seem to do WONDERS to calm kids down.

• The other pro heros could never.

• Endeavor? No.

• All might? Who she?

• No baby, it's all you.

• Anyway, one time, yall were out on a date.

• Y'all were f i s h i n g

• Aka you had been itching to go outside and decide to teach Amijiki to fish and he agreed bc why not

• So there you are, outside in the hot sun, in a crop top and shorts on a dock

• He's about 6 feet away, still talking distance, but far enough so your lines wouldn't get tangled

• He's not having a bad time at all, he's trying to ignore anyone else that might be there

• bc he wants to be w you and is tired of his anxiety getting in the way

• anyway, he almost misses the little girl that walks up.

• He looks over and she looks like she's gonna cry.

• She prolly has anxiety too tbh

• "Um...can-can you help me?"

• you look down and smile, "yes ma'am, what can I do for you?"

She held up her own small rod. "I uh...I lost my hook and I forgot how my dad tied everything on.."

"Want me to show you?"

"Yes please," her gaze flickered down.

"Okay first things first, do you have sun screen and water?"

She shook her head.

• So before you do anything, he watches you spray sunscreen on the little girl and give her a water bottle, which she only takes after you reassure that it's okay for her to have

• Then you call him over

"Amajiki, baby come here so I can show you how to do it too."

And he listens, reeling his line in and sitting next to you

"This is Amajiki, he's my friend okay? I'm teaching him how to fish too."

• The girl seems to relax at that and you get to work

• But he's not paying attention to what you're actually doing

• He's watching you

• You've got a bright smile on, your voice is soft as you show her the steps

• And once you get done tying the swivel on and putting a hook on, you hand her a worm

"Go on, bait it,"

• The girl does so with a small comfortable smile

• His heart melts

• You're just so damn good with them like you're literally a goddess already

• And this just makes it better

• You show her how to cast right and then she's all set

• She ends up sitting with you two for a little over an hour

• Then she waves goodbye and bounds off

• Amajiki kisses your nose gently. "You're so cool, bunny."

"You big sap, she told me you were her favorite hero. Did you zone out or something."

"Yeah," his face flushed. "I did."

[julemmaes]

Possible continuation of the cass-defending-nesta au prompts?: “i got your back. Always.” Or perhaps, “they can shove it, i love you. All of you.” or maybe something involving soda slushies (that’s just cause I kinda want one rn)

Got your back (2)

Cassian and Nesta Archeron modern au

A/N: Please, read the A/N at the end of the post, this is really important for me. I didn’t put it here cause it’s very long, but still, I think everyone should read it.

So, the oh-so-awaited part two for the Nessian fic. This is mainly Cassian having an existential crisis (me every day basically) and some Nessian domestic fluff. I guess you’ll get a third part, cause I can’t leave you and them like this, I hope you’re thrilled by the idea just as much as I am. I’m sorry if I forgot to tag anyone. I hope yall enjoy!

part one

Word count: 2,590

The second Cassian got into the car the world fluttered.

He closed his eyes, inserting the key into the patch and then stopped.

A lump formed in his throat and when he tried to breathe, he realized he was struggling to do so.

What had he done? He opened his eyes and his vision blurred again.

His hands were shaking and his breathing was now erratic.

"Fuck!" he cried, as a tear slipped down his cheek.

He started the engine and set off as he tried to hold back the tears he knew were building up.

He took the highway after a few minutes and as soon as he was on a side road, without too much traffic, he pressed his foot on the accelerator trying to feel so much adrenaline that he went numb.

He was not going towards Nesta's house. No. To get to her apartment he would have had to take the third exit right after passing the walls of Velaris. But he knew that the second he saw her he would burst into tears if he couldn't let go of some of the anger in his mind.

Anger that was now mingling with guilt.

Shit, shit, shit.

He screamed, cursing once again, banging his fist against the steering wheel. The car skidded suddenly and Cassian hit the brake in a desperate attempt not to finish beyond the guard rail and in the middle of the fields. The screeching sound of the wheels wearing out on the asphalt remained in his head even after he had stopped. Both hands tightened around the steering wheel and his gaze fixed on the dark road in front of him, lit only by the headlights of his car, while his breathing became more and more uneven.

A sob broke the silence.

And then another, and yet another, until Cassian found himself desperately crying and hitting the steering wheel repeatedly.

His face buried in his hands and his body shaken by the sobbing, Cassian thought about what he had just done. What it meant to have told everyone about Nesta's problem.

He opened the door, getting out of the cockpit to get some fresh air, but as soon as he was out of the car, the crying got worse.

"You fucking idiot," he muttered to himself.

God, what have I done?

These last few days had been difficult for him. Stressful.

Nesta was in one of those periods they called "shitty periods". These were days, sometimes in rare cases weeks, when Nesta could not get out of bed. Moments in which every reason for living seemed pointless, in which even the slightest input from outside could destabilize her so much that she had several panic attacks in a single day.

Cassian had tried to stay close to her all the time, keeping the phone close to him in case she called him. He had stocked her fridge with food and went to her house for most of her lunches and dinners to cook her something and make sure she ate.

These weren’t completely bad days. There were times when Nesta smiled, or when she could see the good in the middle of all the shit, but there were still days when Cassian came home exhausted, looking for solutions to problems he couldn't solve, without being able to talk to anyone.

He had thought many times about what would happen if one day he took his brothers aside and explained everything to them. If he explained to them why Nesta was not well, by bringing the psychological explanation into the conversation, maybe they would start to treat her like a human being and not like a monster. But in that case he would have betrayed Nesta's trust.

If she had not yet had that conversation with her family, how could he do that with his own? Who was he to take that freedom away from his girlfriend? There were reasons why Nesta hadn't yet taken that step, reasons that Cassian knew perfectly well.

After all, he had experienced the same things a few years before.

That was people's main problem.

When they asked you what the reason for your actions was and you gave a logical explanation, maybe even saying that you were getting professional help, there were two possible answers: either they told you that you were doing it for attention or they told you things like "then don't be sad", "then stop worrying”, "then stop getting angry about everything". As if it were that simple. As if the traumas and situations you've lived through for years and years of your life and the consequences that come with those can be easily healed by not doing specific things.

And now Cassian had to show up at Nesta's house, pissed off with his family and feeling terribly guilty for telling her sisters what the real problem was.

He slammed his fist on the roof of the car repeatedly, "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

He rubbed his hand over his face, wiping away the tears that were now flowing undisturbed.

He couldn't even talk to her about why he had exploded.

If he explained to her that he had confessed everything because he had been exhausted because of the last week he'd spent taking care of her, Nesta would have pushed him away. Not because she would have been offended that Cassian was struggling between college, work and her, no, that wouldn't have been the case. More likely she would have thought she was weighing too much on him and would have stopped talking to him when she needed him most.

Cassian couldn't allow such a thing to happen. Nesta had only him.

He could bear it, for her.

"You fucking fuck. Don't bear it," he shook his head, starting to walk back and forth, "you don't have to bear anything. You are doing all this for her, you have to respect her needs and the path will not be easy, but the day will come when she will get better and happy and it will be easier." he often spoke out loud when he was thinking about the matter.

No, he couldn't have told her that this was slowly killing him. He had to stay strong and do it for her. He would apologize to his family and allow them to talk to Nesta - always keeping civil tones - if she wanted to.

Shit.

Maybe he had made things even worse.

Maybe now they would have thought that Nesta was morally blackmailing him and that he was only doing it out of pity. And maybe they would have started to offend her even more, saying horrible things about her.

"Jesus Christ," cried Cassian to heaven. I will talk to everyone, he thought. He breathed.

He would talk to Nesta first and tomorrow morning, when everyone would be sober, he would also talk to the others.

For now, he just had to stop crying and get to her apartment safe and sound.

He looked at the time on the phone and sent a quick message to his girlfriend, warning her that he would be there in twenty minutes. Without waiting for an answer, he got back behind the wheel and made turned to get back on the highway.

True to his words, twenty minutes later he found himself at the door of her apartment. He had the keys and could have entered easily by himself, but he decided to knock. After all, she hadn't read the message; if she heard someone come in at 11:54 p.m., she could have easily attacked him.

When Nesta opened the door she had one eye closed and the other only slightly open. She scratched her cheek yawning, "Cass, what are you doing here?" she asked in a hoarse voice. Cassian blinked a couple of times and Nesta must have noticed his gaze because she stiffened, "Are you alright? Did something happen?" she put her hands forward and Cassian threw himself into her arms, holding her to his chest.

He sobbed and Nesta took a few steps back, carrying him with her as she closed the door behind him. She rubbed her hand on his back, stroking his arms, trying to calm him down.

"I am so sorry," he murmured in her hair. Nesta held him tighter.

"What happened Cass? Is everyone okay?" he nodded and felt her relax in his arms.

Something in Cassian's chest broke. Obviously she had immediately thought of the others. She was always thinking of their families. He broke off the hug and looked her in the eyes. Eyes that were now full of worry.

God, he was so stupid. Nesta already had enough problems of her own, now she would have to fight with the rest of their friends because of him.

"I screwed up," he whispered to her, holding her hand. Nesta put her hand on one of his cheeks, rubbing a thumb under his eye to remove the tears and nodded.

"What do you say you come into the kitchen and we'll talk about it while you drink some water, hmm?" she asked, pulling him towards the hallway. Cassian narrowed his eyes, thinking what would be best to do now.

He didn't want to tell her that her family insulted her almost every day. He didn't want to be the person to remind her of such an evil thing. Nesta wasn't stupid, she knew that one of the main topics of their evenings was her, but that didn't mean that Cassian wanted to open the subject right now.

She handed him a glass full of water and when he drank it in a single long sip, Nesta looked at him concerned, filled it again and handed it to him. Cassian just took it, looking at the liquid.

"You're making me nervous," Nesta whispered, leaning one hip to the kitchen island and crossing her arms to her chest, "it's past midnight and you showed up here crying, Cassian. If you don't want to talk about it now, that's fine -" the man almost laughed, a few months ago she would have forced him to talk until he exploded and they would have argued until the next morning. "we can do it tomorrow, but you are obviously shocked by something and if I can do anything to make you feel better, I want to do it." she tilted her head to the side, offering him a weak smile.

Cassian sighed, placing the glass on the counter and rubbing his face, "I fucked up."

"I figured that," she jokingly said. Cassian glanced at her and she whispered an apology smiling.

She was immediately serious when he said, "I told your sisters you're ill."

Her arms fell to her sides, and her eyes widened slightly.

Cassian leaned forward, leaning with his elbows on the counter and taking his head in his hands. Before she could answer, he had already resumed. "I've been tired lately and stressed about studying," yes, this white lie could go unnoticed, "and by the time I got home they were all drunk and started talking shit about you out of nowhere and I couldn't help it." He took a deep breath without crossing her gaze.

"I said that we are together - or rather, Amren told everyone that we are dating and I didn't deny anything. And then Feyre started blaming all the faults of your bad relationship on you and I couldn't stop talking".

"Did you specify anything?"

He still couldn't look at her, "No, I just said they should behave better and... Nesta, forgive me, Mor and Rhys were there too and I had to say something to them too and-" he froze when he felt a hand of hers resting between his shoulders.

He looked up at his girlfriend and she was looking at him with a loose expression on her face. He wrinkled his forehead. Nesta chuckled silently and ran her thumb between his eyebrows.

"Calm down, Cass." she whispered to him, lowering herself to his height and placing her lips on his temple. Cassian closed his eyes, "I'm sorry," he said to her, taking her hand and carrying it to his chest. He pulled himself up, positioning himself so that she was standing in front of him.

She smiled at him again, "Listen to me, as long as you tell me you didn't say anything too specific is fine with me. If they don't realize that I'm sick, that I'm not well mentally, that's not our problem right now".

Ours. Cassian took a deep breath.

"I should have kept silent anyway, it wasn't up to me to say..."

"Did you tell them that I am going to therapy?"

Cassian shook his head to deny it, "No, of course not."

Nesta wrapped her arms around his neck, tiptoeing and putting her lips on his. Cassian kissed her in turn. "That's alright then," she murmured on his lips.

"I'm so sorry, Nes." He caressed her side and she leaned closer to him.

"I’ve got your back and you have mine, remember?" she asked him.

Cassian nodded only once. "You have my back, and I have yours. Always." he repeated like a mantra. She kissed him one more time, then placed her head on his shoulder and hugged him.

"I love you."

"I love you," he repeated.

They remained in that position, one close to the other, for a very long time. So much so that when Nesta spoke, Cassian jolted, making her laugh and detach from him.

"Sorry," she said with a tired smile on her lips, "When I saw you at the door so upset I thought you had come to break up with me."

It was Cassian's turn to laugh. "You know I would never do that, don't you?"

"Yes, I know."

She said it in such a relaxed tone, so familiar, that Cassian couldn't help but look at her and hold her face in his hands, kissing her again.

"What are you going to do with the others?" he asked her as they both dragged themselves to her bedroom. Nesta grimaced, scratching the back of her neck.

"I don't have the slightest idea, I guess if-" her phone vibrated on the bedside table. Nesta raised an eyebrow, " What the..?" She took the phone in her hand and when she read what was written on it she opened her eyes wide, looking up at Cassian. "It's Feyre, she asked me if we can meet tomorrow. Us and... her, Rhysand. Everyone."

He nodded, starting to undress and opening one of the drawers where he kept some of his stuff. "And are you going to go?" when she didn't answer immediately, Cassian turned around and saw her holding the phone in her hands and looking at the screen, looking focused. "Nes?"

Silence.

"You know that if you don't want to talk to them, you don't have to? No one is forcing you to do..."

"No, I think they deserve it. I owe them some explanations..." she stammered, clutching the phone even tighter.

"And they owe you an apology." grunted Cassian.

She nodded with conviction, as if she hadn't heard what he had just said, and placed the phone on the bedside table. "I'll answer tomorrow though, they may suffer a little more if the things they said tonight were so bad as to make you explode".

They slipped under the sheets and when Nesta's back pressed against Cassian's chest, they fell asleep, one lulled by the other's breath.

A/N: What I wrote here is probably the most personal thing I will ever write in my entire life. The few people who know me and with whom I've talked with even just once in "dark" moments know that, for me, talking about how I feel, what I feel in certain situations, is really hard. Not so much to tell the thing itself, as to have to say how my mind reacts to a precise thing. In short, I don't know how to talk about emotions.

I have a friend, a friend who I really care about and who is part of my family. She is special in the best way, the problem is that I am the only one who really knows her. She is my Nesta. Or at least, as far as this specific ff is concerned, I am this Cassian and she is this Nesta.

I've never known anyone who was really committed to know her. I have never known anyone who would try to get over that first wall, so high that sometimes you would think it has no end. She is good. She has a heart of gold. And there are those rare cases, like Azriel in my ff, who believe me when I say that she is not like that. Who believe me when I say that it is not her fault if she is forced to behave in a certain way. That she’s working on her problems, but it takes time and they need to be patient.

Most of the world though, is obviously filled with Feyres and Rhysands and Morrigans. And it's hard to reason with these people when Nesta presents herself as... well, as Nesta. But that doesn't give them the right to call that person a whore, bitch, heartless. It does not give them the right to treat a person as if they were less just because they don’t understand their traumas.

And the weight that I carry on my shoulders every day for her, to protect her from people who would treat her less for her issues, unfortunately crushes me as much as it crushes her.

I have no Cassian.

I cannot rely on anyone.

Her problems are so big that my brain, however open to this kind of thing it is, is not able to find solutions. And I cannot let off steam because her problems are secret. And she has asked me, me rather than 7 billion other people, to keep these secrets. I can’t just simply look for answers in others’ minds cause that’s not how it works.

And the fear that I feel every day. The terror of not being enough to be able to help her, is excruciating.

But I would never want her to know I think these things, cause I know for a fact that it would hit her to the core and she’d think she’s just trouble and that I don’t wanna be there for her. That’s how it would turn out for us and I know it, and I can’t change that cause there’s a balance that need to be maintained.

So, for all those who are out there, who carry the weight of others on their shoulders without being able to share it with anyone else for fear of hurting their Nesta, you are not alone.

acotar taglist (if you want to be added/removed send me an ask or dm me)

@tottenhamboys20 @sjm-things @kris10maas @awesomelena555 @sannelovesreading @queenamydien29 @ireallyshouldsleeprn @messyhairday-me @observationanxioustheorist @my-fan-side @booksstorm @maastrash @sayosdreams @thedarkdemigod @courtofjurdan @thewayshedreamed @silvermindwarrior

[pink-imagines]

childhood lovers

request: Just got an idea: Miodorya, Kirishima,Bakugou and Todoroki with a fem s/o who grew up with them, please?

a/n: i just wrote izuku and shoto rn but i will post the other ones soon!!

warnings: this is mostly just fluff

masterlist

Izuku Midoriya.

Growing up with someone like Izuku wasn’t easy. It wasn’t that he was “too much to handle” or that he was reckless, beacause he really wasn’t. The thing was that where ever he went, tradgedy followed him. Watching your best friend get hurt over and over again isn’t something you’d want to experience. If it hurt you as much as it did you can only imagine what it felt like for him. Finding out he doesn’t have a quirk, the only thing he really wanted... his dad leaving him... and those damn bullies didn’t make it any better! 

When you got into UA together things started happening between you, obviously you had already gone into puberty and things you didn’t think of before suddenly popped up in your head. Not only that, he had spent all of summer training and suddenly he looked like a completely new person! Neither of you did anything about these new feelings until after highschool. It was actually at the last dance of the UA graduation ball that you admitted your feelings towards one another...

Yaomomo dragged you by the arm towards the dancefloor, talking about how she hadn’t seen you all night. The fact was that you had been hiding away from Mina. She happened to know about your crush and you just knew she would do something to pair you up. Little did you know that Yaomomo was Mina’s partner in crime all along. Appearently all the girls were, and they had partnered up with the guys.

You saw Denki pushing Izuku out on the dancefloor, clearly struggling a bit, but you didn’t think much of it... until Yaomomo started leading you towards them. Denki and Yaomomo basically forced the two together and were gone within a second.

“Hi.”, you said as you took an awkward step away from him, after being pressed chest to chest with him

“Hey, I-”, a new song started playing which interupted Izuku. It was such a familiar song... could it be... it was your song! The song the two of you always listened to. To be fair, it was you favorite song, Izuku really only listened to it when he was with you and neither of you felt like talking.

“It’s the last dance of the night, right?”, you asked as people around you started dancing.

“It is...”, he nodded and then held out his hand to you, “... would you like to dance with me?”

“I’d love to.”

The night had ended with you two confessing, but since you both were going to different universities you decided to wait. And wait you did.

The two of you only first ended up together after you had broken up with a short-term boyfriend because of your new job at this agency. The agency that Izuku worked at. Everything was different, nothing was stopping you this time... but neither of you did anything. Well, that was until Izuku had enough of all this pretending.

You were staying late at work to finish paper work, in fact you were going to be the last one to leave. You knew that as soon as you saw Izuku walking down the corridor.

“Goodnight, Izuku!”, you waved goodbye as he passed your office. He waved and looked like he was just going to walk by, but then something in his eyes changed... as if he had remembered something.

“Hey, Y/N... do you have a second to talk?”, he leaned against your doorframe. You had left your door open to “air out”, when in reality you wanted him to stop by.

“Of course! I’ve finished most of my paper work anyways!”, you smiled, “What’s up?” He looked really fucking good in a suit. His jacket was thrown over his shoulder and the sleeves of his button up was rolled up. And damn... he really pulled off those black slacks!

“You okay?”, he waved his hand to catch your attention.

“Hm? Oh, sorry! I’m really tired, what did you say?”, you tried to keep your mind out of the gutter when it came to him but sometimes you slipped up.

“I was talking about the promise we made during that ball... I know it’s stupid but...”, he sighed, “I’ve waited for you.” Suddenly the guilt hit you all at once. Had he really not been with anyone? Fuck, he was comitted in that case.

“Are you telling me you’ve never been with anyone then?”, you asked nervously, as he knew of your past short-term relationships.

“No, I’ve had flings... just never anything serious.”, he slowly walked up to your desk and rested his hands against the wood.

“Me neither.”, you said, honestly.

“But you haven’t acted on this.”, he motioned between the two of you.

“This is our work place. I didn’t know you remembered our promise.”, you sighed and walked around your desk to face him properly, “Though I do have to say that it’s been tempting.”

“I hope you’re serious about that.”, he put his hands softly on your waist and pulled you closer.

“Oh trust me, Izuku, I am.”, you smiled and wrapped your arms around his neck, “I need to finish my work up but I would love to maybe grab a drink?”

That’s how it started for real. Now, three years later you were laying next to him in bed. It felt so surreal, as if something like this would never happen. You had been friends since you were little and now you were sharing an apartment? Either way, you couldn’t be happier in this moment.

Shoto Todoroki.

You had known him since both of you were around four or five, which is when you had developed a tiny crush on him. The only reason you met is when your dad was having a meeting with Shoto’s dad, so both your moms were near acquaintences- before the accident that is. Your moms used to talk about “puppy-love” when they saw you two together, which you never understood back then. But it seems that both you and Shoto were quite oblivious to what was happening between you.

Once the accident happened you didn’t see Shoto for a very long time, but you never stopped thinking of him. Even if it was just a “I hope he’s okay” or something like “I wonder what he looks like nowadays”.

You had no idea you’d find out as soon as you joined UA. Of course you knew that Shoto would go to a prestigious school but you didn’t think you’d be in the same class! But he was very... different. He kept his distance from you at the beginning, which made your heart sting. It wasn’t just you he was cold towards, he barely talked to anyone in the class! It was only first after the sports festival that he started opening up. You were almost crying during Shoto’s fight with Midoriya and you were full on sobbing during his fight with Bakugo. You were right next to him when he woke up in Recovery Girl’s room.

His eyes fluttered open slowly, as if his eyelids were weighed down by a blanket. Once you found recognition in his eyes you smiled and let out a sigh that you didn’t know you were holding in.

“Y/N..?”, he croaked out

“Hi...”, you smiled, “Bakugo knocked you unconcious... you’re in the nurse’s office.” You were about to take your hands away from the side of the bed when he put his hand on top of yours. It felt warm and you carefully turned one of your hands around so you were now palm to palm and fingers intertwining.

“I’m sorry.”, he whispered. You knew what he meant, by just those two words. He said sorry for not getting in contact with you, sorry for being so cold to you and sorry for making you cry. He’d always been a gentleman in that way.

“It’s okay.”, you smiled and tried to keep the tears from running, “I understand.” The door opened and his father walked inside. You didn’t break eye contact and gave his hand a supporting squeeze before standing up and walking away, his fingers lingered onto you for just a little while.

Surprise, surprise, you both were still as oblivious as ever. Even though everyone could see how you looked at each other and how you acted together, neither of you realized that you were falling for each other. Nobody mentioned it though, they let you learn from each other and build up your old relationship once again.

Once that had happened you had already gotten out of school. During one of your little get togethers, which wouldn’t happen a lot because of work, the confession eventually just slipped out.

“I bought your favorite bottle!”, you said as you walked into Shoto’s apartment with a bottle of wine in your hand. He looked up from setting the table and smiled warmly before approaching you to give you a welcoming hug.

“It’s so nice to see you again.”, he sighed as you leaned into his touch, a bit more than you maybe should have.

“How long has it been now? Has to be at least... 3 months?”, you chuckled and put the bottle on his table, “What are you making? It smells great!” You gave yourself a nice mental pat on the back for teaching him how to cook.

The evening was spent with lots of laughs and memories... eventually the two of you ended up on the couch, drunk as ever. Your legs were thrown over Shoto’s lap as you leaned your head against his shoulder. 

“Did you drive here?”, he muttered and put his head on top of yours.

“Yeah, what about it?”

“Maybe you should stay over night? Probably can’t drive right now...”, he started playing with your hair for a bit.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay for any other reason?”, you weren’t usually this confident, but as they say; liquor is liquid courage.

“Y/N, c’mon...”, he pats your leg and gets up, “You can sleep in my bed, I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“Why are you always so nice to me?”, you asked as he helped you up. You stumbled a bit, falling securely into his chest where he kept you steady.

“We’re friends, of course I’m nice to you.”, he muttered out against the top of your head.

“Friends don’t do this...”, you whisper nervously, “Please tell me that I’m not insane to think that there’s something more between us.”

“Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?”, he kissed the top of your head and helped you to his bedroom.

You did end up talking about it in the morning and even now it still surprises you how oblivious you both were.

At least you managed to get here, you always find yourself thinking whenever the two of you go to bed together.

[puckinghell]

I would say Elias Lindholm but you don’t like flames rn I think so Andre Burakovsky

Please do not read this if a character with bad self image effects you negatively. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and society lies!

--

Everything is just so stupid.

It’s always the little things, that get in the way of you being happy, like a cloud of smoke wrapping around the sunshine in your brain. Things like someone looking a little too long. Or a comment under an Instagram post.

People are mean. You know that. It doesn’t mean anything, they’re just miserable about their own life, they’re just pathetic and alone in life and…

And sometimes you believe them.

Not pretty enough, not thin enough. Never thin enough.

You know there’s some extra weight on you that hasn’t always been there. It happened somewhere between getting drunk at frat parties and crying into your notebooks. College is a rough time for everyone, you suppose, and you’re much happier now that you’ve got a solid job. The extra pounds never left, though you didn’t really mind.

But then you met Andre.

It was easy to fall in love with Andre. He’s funny in dopey, bright-eyed way. He has a really nice smile, and kind eyes. He’s caring. And he made you feel special; like someone like him could love someone like you.

It was easy to fall in love with Andre and it’s easy to be with him, most of the time. Just.

Not when social media gets involved.

You know you don’t look like a typical WAG, but naively, you’d thought it wouldn’t matter. You privated your Instagram, deleted your Twitter account. You figured if he didn’t care that you didn’t look like that, neither would you.

You hadn’t counted on it getting hard, though.

Every relationship goes through ups and downs, you know that, and you know Andre loves you still. But as the Avalanche went through a rough patch in the season, so did your relationship. Andre gets withdrawn, focused so much on hockey there’s no space for you left in his brain. You get it, but it still hurts.

The last time it happened, you pushed and pushed for that space.

Now, you’re tired, and you pull away.

It couldn’t have come at a worst time, Gabe posting a picture on Instagram of last summer, where you can be seen in the back, sitting in Andre’s lap. You’re smiling, and he looks happy, but…

No wonder he’s not playing well, she probably crushed him lol

That girl is fat enough to break his legs

Do you think they put her on the bbq? She looks like a pig lmao

Those are just a few of the comments. There’s hundreds of them, and you read them all.

You sit on your couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, and read, and read, and read.  

It takes hours. Gabe’s photo got reposted by the Avs Instagram account, and those comments are somehow even worse.

Your phone buzzes a few times. It might be Andre, but it might not be; you can’t be bothered to check.

Heavy tears roll down your cheek, and suddenly you’re so done with it.

“Babe?” Andre’s voice is soft and careful, when the door opens. He’s used his key, and for the first time ever you wish you hadn’t given it to him.

He can’t see you like this. You’re already not pretty enough, not thin enough, and now you’re ugly crying on your couch on a random Tuesday night, wearing Andre’s hoodie, no make up, and he’s gonna be disgusted, he’s gonna break up with you on the spot, he’s…

“Fuck,” Andre breathes out, when he sees you. His usual happy expression is nowhere to be found, only worry swimming in his eyes. “Babe…”

And you just know it, are one hundred percent certain that it’s gonna happen: he’s going to break up with you.

You might as well keep your dignity and beat him to it.

“We should break up.” You wish it would’ve come out more confident, not shakily between sobs, just before you break out into more sobs, bury your face in the blanket.

Andre’s footsteps are loud against the floor, even though he toed off his sneakers at the door. Then, something heavy drapes around you, and the familiar feeling of your boyfriend engulfs you.

“You’re insane if you think that’s gonna happen,” he mumbles, and then he sits against the back of the couch and pulls you into his lap.

And you’re so stupid, too, because you promised yourself you wouldn’t do this anymore: you deserve nice things, and you wouldn’t skip desserts anymore, wouldn’t tell yourself your body wasn’t good enough, wouldn’t look in the mirror and look away when the reflection met your gaze.

But the first thing that comes into your mind – and out of your mouth - when your body meets Andre’s is “I’m going to crush you.”

Andre’s voice is firm. “Stop.”

You try to pull away, but his arms are around you and he’s stronger, of course he is, all muscles and sharp lines and you’re just soft skin and fuzzy edges, and you don’t fit but you do, and you’re crying even as you try to thrash away from him.

“I’m too heavy, I’m gonna hurt you…”

“Y/N, stop. Hey!” His voice is harsh enough that you stop moving. “Don’t do that. Don’t listen to them. You’re not hurting me, you’re not heavy. I’ve got you, love. Let me be there for you. Please.”

The tears just come faster, but you let yourself sink against Andre’s chest now, bury your head in his shoulder. He smells familiar, and his body is warm, and it feels so right that it just feels worse, somehow, as well as better.

He holds you, strokes your hair, and doesn’t say anything. Only when your sobs are starting to become quieter, calmer, Andre talks again.

“Do you remember when we met?”

You do. It was in a dingy, hole-in-the-wall bar, where people still smoke inside and the beer tastes like water but is priced like it, too.

“You said you were afraid of dying alone.”

Oh, yeah, you had said that. You’d been very, very drunk, and Andre’s kind brown eyes had somehow pulled all your secrets out of you.

They still do, now.

“And then I said we could always just die alone, together.” Andre smiles at the thought. “That’s still my plan, you know? Y/N, I need you to know that I love you. You, for all that you are, and all that you aren’t.”  

“But…”

“No.” Andre interrupts with nothing but certainty in his voice. “I don’t care what they say, and neither should you. You’re beautiful, and I want you. Only you.”

Something like calm washes over you. It’s not that you didn’t know that, it’s just, sometimes it’s easy to forget, easy to get so caught up in your head and…

“And stop reading Instagram comments,” Andre mumbles against your hair. “They’re all stupid. Everyone is stupid. Except for you.”

“I’m a little stupid,” you admit. To signal that you’re doing better, you lightly press a kiss against his collarbone, and he smiles.

“Yeah, well. I’m a little stupid for you.”

[guessmonsta]

Kuroo x Reader- Wingman

Inconsistency is key. Everything I write is for my dear friend Emily. Anyway, here’s some fun, low-key raunchy, high-key reference-y Kuroo content for everyone in quarantine rn. Stay safe and wash your hands <3

Kuroo was, at some point tonight, going to lose his mind. 

He knew showing up to Bokuto’s stupid little “house party” was going to get him in trouble one way or another. By “house party”, Bokuto meant he was going to try to cram the volleyball team starters, his roommates basketball friends, a couple of girls, and miscellaneous friends on the side into his college campus dorm room. 

It ideally didn’t sound like much fun, but he was going to take whatever chance he got to get out of his dorm. As much as Kuroo got out in high school, in college he felt bound to chemistry textbooks and volleyball practice. He liked to joke around with his friends and say it wasn’t easy being smart, athletic, and sexy, but there really wasn’t anything sexy about under eye bags and lab goggles. 

He usually showed up to Bokuto’s dorm before anyone else did. His roommate was out of town, so it was just some volleyball guys and a few others for the night. Kuroo didn’t really mind, the basketball guys were too much to handle for him right now, anyway. A cluster headache started forming behind his right eye, and he must’ve made a stank face, because Bokuto started stifling laughter from the bed across the room. 

“Do you have to go take a shit or something?” He asked, picking up a pillow from the bed and chucking it at Kuroo’s head. 

“Nah. I’m just starting to think I peaked in high school.” 

“See? This is why you should’ve majored in business like me. I keep it cool, I keep it classy. I focus on three things, volleyball, whatever business majors do, and boobs.” Bokuto made a gesture as if he was flipping hair over his shoulder. Kuroo shook his head. 

“When I come up with a cure for stupidity twenty years down the line, you’re not getting any of it.” Kuroo stuck his tongue out, and Bokuto feigned shock. 

“I thought we were bros.” 

“Bros support bros. And you’ve gotta support me through fucking-” Kuroo took a deep sigh then exhaled, “Chemistry-y.” 

“Hey listen, you sound like a big major bum right now and it’s making me wanna hit you with another pillow.” 

“Do it, I dare you.” Kuroo grabbed the pillow previously thrown at his head, and spiked it back over at Bokuto, who dodged it. 

“I’ve got some cool people coming over though.” Bokuto exclaimed while contemplating on throwing the pillow back.

“Oh, like the guy who chugged three beers in a row last time and puked all over that one girls lap? And you had to calm her down from crying because All Star started playing from Shrek on the TV and we all were holding back laughter so she wouldn’t cry harder?” 

Bokuto made a face of disgust in response. “Absolutely not. It’s just gonna be me, you, Tendou ‘cause he’s got the goods, Ushijima ‘cause he makes me think god might just be a man, Yukie ‘cause she makes me remember god is actually a woman, a couple of Yukie’s girl friends ‘cause girl power, and __ too ‘cause she didn’t come last time and I miss her.” 

__ was Kuroo and Bokuto’s mutual friend they met in their first semester of college. She sat with them during their freshman orientation course, and they hit it off from there. She was a funny thing, always had bright eyes and a smile on her face. Kuroo noticed his cluster headache wasn’t as bad as he previously thought. 

There was definitely something about her that made Kuroo wish he had time for a serious relationship. Even then, he would make all the time in the world for her if he really could. He hadn’t seen her for a couple months- his only contact with her was sharing memes back and forth on Instagram. The thought of seeing her again made something flutter in his stomach. 

“Oh wait.” Bokuto must have noticed the look on Kuroo’s face, because he started laughing. “O-oh man I forgot you had a thing for __!” 

“I haven’t seen her in forever bro.” Kuroo looked up at Bokuto and fake pouted his lower lip. “Like if I could make that one puppy eye emoji face in real life I would do it.” 

“Awh, does somebody have a cwush?” Bokuto teased in a baby voice. 

“Yes.” He replied, in the same fashion. Then a smile extended on his face. 

“Du-ude if you told me __ was coming over I would’ve made myself look nicer. I’ve been wearing the same gray joggers for like, three days.” 

“College do be doing that to you, doe.” Bokuto got up, then flopped on the couch next to Kuroo. “Listen though, I’m your number one wing man. I gotchu.” 

“Do you mean that, bro?”

“Always, bro.” 

Without knocking, Tendou burst through the dorm door, holding a big brown bag of god knows what under his arm. 

“Your king has arrived.” He announced, and Ushijima awkwardly followed in behind him, muttering a respectful, “hello.” 

“I’m sorry, did I walk in on something… intimate?” Tendou glanced over at Kuroo and Bokuto, who were sitting closely together on the couch. 

“No bro, we’re just two bros, sitting on a dorm couch, one inch apart cause we’re comfortable with our sexuality.” Kuroo winked, and Tendou clutched at his heart in mock embarrassment. 

Yukie and her friends followed soon after, all carrying different bags of chips. 

“Just so y’all know.” Yukie announced, “All this food? It’s mine. None of you can touch it.” 

“Would you trade the bag of popcorn for a brownie?” Tendou winked. Yukie tilted her head, and nodded slightly. 

“I’ll see. Our offer still stands.” 

Another widespread conversation started, something about which movie to watch this time, or something along the lines of that. He heard “Bee Movie” and “Shrek 2”, but nothing more. All he could really think about was when __ was going to show up. He felt stupid for feeling nervous about seeing her again, especially when they were always so comfortable with each other. He had to stretch to try to calm the butterflies down in his stomach. 

Then there was a knock at the door. Bokuto quickly kicked him in the shin as a sign to stand up and get the door. Kuroo shot him a look, to which he only stuck his tongue out. Why the hell did he feel nervous getting the door for her? As far as he knew, they were only friends, just buddies, just bros. But god, even if he was dying to see her, he was sure hesitant to open that door. 

One he did, he was met with a bright smile and a playful punch to the forearm. 

“Aye!” She exclaimed, quick to then pull him into a quick hug. “I haven’t seen you in forever!” 

“I know! What happened, __? What have you been up to?” Kuroo was almost hesitant to hug her back, but allowed himself to for it. His hand creeped into her hair and he allowed himself to exhale deeply. Whatever was remaining of his headache from before vanished. 

“Man, it’s been the absolute pits. I’ve been swamped with work ‘cause of the new semester.” 

“Well, I’ve-” Kuroo caught himself quick before he could continue. “Bokuto and I have missed you a lot.” 

“Awh, really?” She chuckled. “I missed your dumbasses too.” 

She set her jacket down by everyone else’s, then was quick to take a seat next to Bokuto, who already pulled her into a hug and ruffled her hair. He was saying something to her, but Kuroo didn’t hear it. There was a quiet white static in the back of his mind that was dragging him in and out of reality. “The Road To El Dorado” was playing on TV. Who’s executive decision was this, again? 

Kuroo sat down next to __, and Tendou and two of Yukie’s friends sat down too. The couch was definitely too small for six people, but somehow they were making it work. Tendou was pretty much half a person, anyway. But what Tendou didn’t have, Bokuto definitely made up for.  Kuroo then noticed that he was right up against __’s body, and it took a lot of power in him to keep his cool. She had really nice thighs, really nice thighs that were touching his. He wondered if she knew that, that she had nice thighs. It was definitely a terrible day to be wearing gray joggers. 

Kuroo then quickly assessed the situation in his head. On one side of him, there was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. She was dressed in this cute little oversized sweater and she smelled like a mix of pretty girl and coffee shop. On the other side of him, was Tendou, who didn’t nearly have half the sex appeal as __, so it was a conflicting situation for Kuroo for sure. 

“To pop a boner, or to not pop a boner, that is the question.” Kuroo thought to himself, then immediately made a face at his own thought. “Tetsurou, you’re so weird. You’re acting so weird right now.” 

Kuroo then looked over at __, who was now watching the movie with what seemed like half interest, half confusion. 

She really did look like an angel. 

“Tetsurou, do you hear yourself? Do you even hear yourself?” 

She then leaned her head against his arm, and he heard Bokuto snicker quietly, and shoot him a look. He could see his face out of the corner of his eyes, but refused to look over at him. 

“Oh my god, Tetsurou, you’re gonna pop a boner. You’re gonna pop a boner because she’s touching you and she’s so pretty- Do I go to the bathroom? Should we go to the bathroom?” 

Kuroo noticed her look up at him, and he was quick to catch her eye. 

“Is this bothering you?” She muttered. 

“Nah.” He smiled. “I get it, chicks dig these volleyball arms.” 

__ giggled quietly, and her attention was directed back to the movie. 

“Chicks dig these volleyball arms? Are you KIDDING me right now?” 

A couple more minutes passed in silence. There was a quiet mumbled conversation between Tendou and Yukie about those brownies, but Kuroo toned it out quickly. Suddenly, __ announced. 

“Y’all know what? Honestly? Tulio could get it.” 

Kuroo watched as Bokuto quickly shifted, and cleared his throat to reply, 

“Don’t you think Tulio kinda looks like Kuroo?” 

__ lifted her head up from Kuroo’s shoulder and looked at him, to which he tried to hold back a smile. Bokuto might not have been the smoothest wingman, but he made it work. 

“Oh shit, you’re right. I can see it.” 

Kuroo then sat there, saying absolutely nothing. He knew if he said something his voice would probably crack. There was nothing sexy at all about being related to a cartoon character, but it was kind of sexy that she said that he looked like a cartoon character that could get it. In some fragment of his mind, he started thinking about how she could totally get it. One of his arms slowly and inconspicuously fell between his legs. With the other, he flashed a quick peace sign and made a kissy face. 

Oh my god, he was gonna die tonight.

“__, do you think Kuroo could get it too?”

“I, for one, definitely think Kuroo could get it.” Tendou announced. Well, there goes his pants issue. 

“Thank you, bro.” Kuroo managed to spit out. 

“Kuroo could get it.” Ushijima muttered from the ground, which was the most anyone had gotten out of him all night. 

“I dunno, he’s not my type. But in the perfect world he could get it.” Yukie laughed.

“I mean shit.” __ shrugged. He wasn’t sure if it was from the lighting, or what, but Kuroo noticed her face flush red. “Yeah Kuroo could get it.” 

And pants. 

There was a wavering silence for another half hour. He was still hyper aware of her leg touching his, and every other minute detail about his setting, despite the movie. What was the movie even about, anyway?  It was about halfway through, then __ announced, 

“I have to go pee.” 

“Thank you.” Bokuto muttered in reply. 

As she stood up, Kuroo found himself grabbing her hand. 

“Hey, lemme go with you.”

“To… to pee?”

“No this, this is a guys dorm. You don’t wanna get lost going down to the general bathrooms and get caught by somebody.” Kuroo stammered slightly, but followed her out of the room. “You never know what kind of guys there are out there.”

“Awh, are you protecting me?” She cooed, bumping into his side lightly.

“Yeah. I am.” He shot her a quick smile, then looked away. His heart was pounding in his chest. This was the perfect opportunity to back her up against the wall and just kiss her, or something, but he couldn't find it in him to do it. 

People always liked to say he was the sexy friend. The attractive friend. The lady killer. The sex god. He had absolutely none of that, and it showed. 

“Hey, uhm, I hope you didn’t think it was weird when I said you could get it.” 

“Hey, hey, no offense taken.” He chuckled. “I’m just offended you weren’t serious.” 

The moment he said that, he quickly regretted it. She started laughing, but was quick to stop. 

“Wait, are you serious?” 

Kuroo then stopped walking and sighed, almost dramatically. 

“Listen.” 

“Listening.” 

He noticed her clasp her hands together underneath her baggy sweater sleeves. He inhaled sharply, then exhaled. 

“You’re really important to me. As a friend and as a human being.” Kuroo watched her sniffle, and her face go red. “I would use a stupid pickup line on you right now but I’m way too nervous. I really like you, __.” 

He watched a goofy smile spread across her cheeks. Her face only got redder as she looked down at her feet, then back up at him. 

“I never knew if you liked me or not cause you jokingly hit on everyone.” She smiled. “I like you too. I thought I made it pretty obvious.” 

“Oh my god, come here.” Kuroo then scooped her up in a hug, and placed a soft, tentative kiss on her lips. She stumbled a little bit, and he backed her up against the wall. He pulled away for a brief second to chuckle, then kissed her again, his heart slamming against his rib cage. He couldn't believe he actually did it, after all this time of pinning and waiting over her texts- 

__ then pulled away, but not before planting a soft kiss on his nose. 

“I like this a lot, Kuroo, but I still have to pee.” 

[baekhyyun]

Accused Love | KNJ

» pairing: kim namjoon x reader (ft. lim jaebeom and byun baekhyun)

» genre: angst(???), cause it ain’t fluff children rn, sfw, mystery, stranger to semi-lovers

» rating: PG13

» word count: 3.3k

» Warnings: strong language, the lack of namjoon's name being used, jaebeom and baekhyun got more screen time than the damn main character i’m sorry

a / n: THIS IS ACTUALLY A NAMJOON FIC JGSKVSDS , even tho i mention his name like 5 times (ITS NOW 8) throughout the whole this fic (!!!!!) , this is also my first full fic so bare with my shitty writing and it's debuting after 5000 years. This beauty is apart of the Luv Library Project under the mystery category! There will be more than one part !!!! I wanted to post something before we got to the good part jfksnkvjdfkj. Thank you to everyone who has helped me and encouraged me with this fic!

Special thanks to @jungtaeyoongles for being there with me from the beginning, bouncing ideas off with, helping me plan this whole story and beta reading as well! Thank you to @meowxyoong for bouncing ideas with me too! Thank you to @thinksshesawolf and @ dee-ehn for beta reading this mess and clowning me in the process. We know who the real main character is in this fic.

The night sky was pitch-black, making the stars shine bright like diamonds against the darkness. Being located in the heart of Seoul, the stars shined brighter than the lights hopping off all of the tall buildings in the quiet, busy city. Jaebeom, one of the many infamous mafia leaders in South Korea, found himself waiting in the night for his next crime. Being the head meant sending someone under him to do the crime itself without getting his hands dirty. Yet with bad timing, he was out of luck for the night. All of his men found themselves in different missions committing different sins to bring in the money that the head wanted.

 After becoming the head boss, he stopped going out and living life to protect his own, his hands never touching anything besides the gun strapped to his chest hidden from the public eye or the money that was earned by his henchmen. He felt like he was on top of the world again after being away from the scene for so long. Jaebeom, believing his skills were rusty, turned to money laundering to build up his skillset again. Oh, was he wrong.

 He was on a hot streak and subsequently oozed cockiness from each movement he made. Every step Jaebeom took felt like pure muscle memory. He was a greedy man that wanted money. Money made the world go round. You could buy anything and anyone with a couple of hundred-dollar bills. The man had an insatiable desire for money. $100,000 was not enough to sustain his need for money.  He wanted more. He wanted $500,000. It felt right to him. Not bothering to double-check his work, he just went for it as his life depended on it.

 Never in a million years, would he have thought that he would be wiring money from a gaming company. Tencent, one of the largest Asian companies and known worldwide, did not scare him. He felt that this job was easy. Getting access to this place was a piece of cake, he thought. His charming personality is what got him the keys to the records room, housing every transaction that the company has ever made.

 Jaebeom thought everything was going smoothly, but he could not be more wrong. After being here for three hours wiring this money, he realized that he made a rookie mistake. How could he use his ID card to get access to the files? Why did he not use his boss's card to open up the files? All these questions went through his head at lightning speed that caused his heart to start racing, he felt like his ears were going to burst from the sound of his own heart. The world around him was crashing down at a fast pace that he had to think of something fast.

 "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Jaebeom hissed to himself. How could I be so reckless? I can't let myself get caught over this shit. I gotta get out of here!"

 His senses went haywire where he couldn't think straight. Getting caught in this building around this time was the least of his worries. He needed out and that's what he was trying to do with his mind racing.

 As the clock ticked, Jaebeom rushed out the building to his car that was parked 5 blocks down the road. His only thought was to find a solution to this shit show that he had created the minute he walked in that building. His luck ran out.

 "Fuck me, man!" he continued to tell himself while running as fast as he could.

 "T-this is the o-one that f-fucks me o-over, and it's the simplest-t s-shit that gets me," he stuttered trying to control his breathing.

 Relief washed over him as he spotted his car hidden behind a dumpster. He still wasn't out of the clear. Slowing his pace down, a new thought popped in his head: should he have called someone to help him out? He thought it was best, but he didn't want to feel embarrassed at the thought of his underlings catching a whiff of the mess he created doing a simple job. He was the mafia boss for crying out loud. Making a mistake was out of the question, getting help was out as well. The more he thought of calling someone the more he got frustrated with the idea.

 The car roared to life, one hand reached the gear shift and set the car in reverse then back to drive. Hitting the gas pedal, he drove off with nothing but a dust cloud left behind. For being a mafia boss, he sure is fucking stupid, never once did he think that he would be making a mistake like that.

 Reaching a red light at an intersection, he noticed that the city was waking up to begin their day. He only had a couple of hours to come up with a solid cover story until he was supposed to show up at work again. Looking out the window he noticed the cars pass by; one car caught his attention. He thought this was his chance that he couldn't miss. It was a perfect idea from his point of view. Framing someone else was a bit of a bitch move but if he got out the clear, fuck, he would do it a thousand times over.

 He thought that using his rival would get rid of him for good so that he could be number one and rule Seoul from behind the scenes. Having everyone shirk in fear brought such joy to Jaebeom that he needs to go through with this plan. Becoming power-hungry made him crazy. He was thirsty for it and was going to do anything to get it. 

 Realizing that the light turned green, he makes his way back to the company for damage control. Who knew that bringing an end to his rival would make a man smile like a mad-man, but he thought it was so worth it to do so.

 The ride back was fairly quick for Jaebeom. As he got closer to Tencent, the police were there parked in the front of the building. He had to find a way into the building without being spotted. Circling Tencent, he decided to go through the backway. He still had his ID card on him, so if the police caught him right there he for sure would kiss the $500,000 goodbye.

 Parking his car in the alleyway behind the company, Jaebeom made his way to the back door cautiously. The perks of being named leader, it showed that you can handle any situation no matter the outcome, finding a solution to the mess he created was ironic.

 Slowly making his way up the stairs, he avoided any main hallways, not wanting to draw unwanted attention. Climbing twenty flights of stairs was not something Jaebeom planned for. He felt more guilty with each step he took for messing up a simple thing. He wished he had powers to reverse time and start over from the very beginning, but alas, he was never going to get that wish.

 Reaching the eighteenth floor, Jaebeom noticed no one near the entrance to the stairwell. He silently thanked the gods above to have come all the way up without getting caught. Twisting the knob to the door he slowly opened it and peaked his head to see if the coast was clear and surprisingly it was. Closing the door again, he stayed put in the stairwell. He found it strange that no one was guarding this floor, the floor where Jaebeom was located a couple of hours ago.

 Jaebeom's suspicions grew more as he stayed put, thinking of all the possible outcomes of this situation. None of his answers made any sense, the dots were not connecting at all. This pissed him off more than it should have.

 Deciding to give up, he moved on to the top floor where the CEO's office was, along with his own. Jaebeom's job title wasn't much, but that charming personality of his got him that spot on the top floor alongside the CEO. Everyone hated that Jaebeom got special treatment because he came here with no experience. He created enemies, did he care? No. It made him mad with power. He enjoyed that idea of people hating what he had and what they couldn't get.

 There was a scream that pulled Jaebeom out of his thoughts. "Where is he?! What do you mean you can't find him?!" one of the cops said into his phone.

 This is where it became challenging for Jaebeom, finding a clear path into the hallway without getting spotted by anyone. Peeking through the crack of the door, he noticed a tall man with a tan trenchcoat dressed up in an expensive suit. The realization hits him when he notices who the man was. It was none other than Kim Namjoon, a leader in the underground business and upper business, but to Jaebeom he was just a rival.

 He wondered why Namjoon was here, he had no business being here. Yet here he was waltzing into the company like he owns the place. The confidence that Namjoon gave off made Jaebeom sick to his stomach. How could someone just act confident all the time?

 "God, he's so infuriating, like can't this man even act normal," Jaebeom muttered to himself. "I just want to punch that stupid smirk off of his face."

 The wheels were turning in Jaebeom's head that after everything, he was getting some luck after the morning he had today. Reopening the door, he noticed Namjoon walking away from the coat closet. This was his opportunity to get rid of his ID card.

 He couldn't go out into the main hallway, he would get spotted quick. He needed to find a way to get himself into that coat closet. He had to think of something fast, there wasn't much time to waste. Looking back to where the officer was, Jaebeom couldn't find him.

 "Where did he go? He was just there," he told himself. Another voice caught his attention and it was from the CEO, Baekhyun. He was talking to the officer that Jaebeom was looking for. He felt so blessed to have him occupied. Looking left and right, he noticed that the coast was clear and booked it straight to the coat closet.

 Closing the door behind him, he was met with darkness, looking for the light switch with his hands. As he found the switch, the small closed space lit up. "Now where is that trenchcoat of yours," he whispered. "Ah, I found you, my dear sweet savior. Oh, how you are saving me from so much work."

Grabbing his ID from his coat pocket, he quickly placed it in Namjoon's trenchcoat and turned back around. Opening the door, he made sure the coast was clear once again and stepped out. Jaebeom made his way to the CEO's office and knocked on the door. Baekyhun and the officer turned their heads, noticing that it was Jaebeom.

 "There he is! Get him," Baekyhun loudly spoke.

 The officer was charged towards Jaebeom and before he could utter a word his hands were behind his back and his body slammed against the door. Groaning out loud from the impact Jaebeom asked, "What's going on, why am I getting slammed on a damn door by an officer?!"

 "Quit playing coy, Lim, what did you do with the money you stole from the company?" Baekhyun asked.

 Facing the man who asked the question, "I don't know what is going on, I just got here," Jaebeom's voice dropped a few octaves deeper.

 Baekhyun darted towards Jaebeom pushing the officer out of the way and turning Jaebeom around to face him. "Lim, I won't ask you again. Where is the money?!" he yelled, stressing each word as he spoke.

 "And I'm going to tell you again that I don't know what you are talking about!" Jaebeom rebutted back to the CEO.

 Baekyhun was just fuming with anger from Jaebeom's answer. Baekyhun swore that he was just bluffing and acting dumb, but the confusion on his face made his story more believable. Letting go of Jaebeom, Baekyhun walked towards the window of his office that gave him the best view of the busy city below. He was at a crossroads, not knowing what to do. He wanted to believe Jaebeom but the evidence was right there.

 Jaebeom silently watched his boss freak out, trying to understand the words that he spoke. His boss was at war with himself. Jaebeom thought he could use this as an advantage; to confuse the man more than he was.

 "Baekhyun, you know that I would never do anything to harm this company or to betray your trust," he spoke out loud.

 Baekhyun just stared at the man, his expression unreadable. Jaebeom couldn't figure out what he was thinking. Was Baekhyun figuring out that everything he's said was a lie? Jaebeom couldn't go down like this, this was not going to be the end.

 "Baekhyun, please I don't know what is going on, but I can tell you that I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. If that can help my case in any way," he hopelessly said.

 Jaebeom silently pleaded with Baekhyun to give him a chance to hear him out, which reluctantly he did. Baekyhun gave a hand signal to the police officer to leave the room and give the men privacy. "You have five minutes to tell me your side of the story or I'll ask the cops to take you away from here," he insisted.

 "As I said before, I haven't seen my ID since yesterday. The last time I saw the thing it was on my desk in my office. After that, I couldn't find it," Jaebeom lied through his teeth.

 "You lost your ID and didn't bother telling anyone about this?" Baekhyun questioned him.

 "Listen, I didn't think much of it when I couldn't find it after I left work. I thought I could find it when I got here today, but here we are." Jaebeom briefly paused.

 "I was planning on telling you today if I ended up not finding it!" he continued, "I can show you where I left it in my office and you can let the officer search too."

 Baekhyun was hesitant on taking Jaebeom's offer on searching his office, he was stressed and he was doubting everything that was said by this man. His trust in him was dropping rapidly, but did he have another choice? He had to go for it even if he ended up looking like a fool.

 Rising from his seat, Baekhyun walked around his desk and stood in front of Jaebeom and just stared him down. "If I found out that you are just fucking around and we find that ID of yours, you are out of here and out of my sight," leaving Jaebeom in his seat, Baekhyun walked towards the door and looked back, "Hurry up, we don't have all day. I have to do damage control because of you."

 Jaebeom quickly got up from his seat and followed his boss from behind, making their way to his office. The officer trailing along asked where they both were heading, Baekhyun quickly answering, "To his office, we are going to search for that ID card of his that supposedly was lost."

 "But sir, we don't have a search warrant to partake in this. We will not be able to assist you," the officer explained.

 Baekhyun continued to make his way to Jaebeom's office, telling anyone that walked past him to follow. Not a word was uttered when he spoke to anyone. The workers just simply followed like mindless slaves, not questioning his orders.

 Walking into the office, Baekhyun strolled quickly to the desk in the middle of the office and began to rummage through the files that laid on top neatly. Everyone that followed along began to do the same, going to different parts of the room and not leaving a corner unturned. Jaebeom just stood by the door not knowing what to do with himself besides watching the disaster unfold.

 Looking up to face the man that caused all the distress, Baekhyun spoke out loud, "Lim, it is best if you stepped outside and just stood by with the officer. You are truly not needed here."

 Jaebeom was offended by the words that the man spoke to him. It never crossed his mind that he would be pushed out of something that involved him. "To be fair Baekhyun, I don't think that is a good idea. What if one of the workers here is the culprit and trying to frame me over what happened? I'm sorry but I am not leaving this room until you all leave with me." His voice roared across the room.

 Baekhuyn rolled his eyes at his subordinate's stubbornness, it made him feel sick to his stomach that he did not want to walk. This was something that Jaebeom took very seriously. Never once did this man raise his voice at anyone during the job. He took everything that was handed to him without a single complaint. It scared Baekhyun that Jaebeom stood his ground and didn't budge one bit.

 "If you won't leave then stand by the door and don't get into anyone's way, Lim," he spoke with venom in his voice.

 Pleased with the response from his boss, he walked back to the door and just watched. No one knew what was to come at the end of this search. It was entertaining to watch everyone look through his belongings. They were never going to find anything and it made him ecstatic to have this type of knowledge over people.

 "Sir, we couldn't find anything in the cabinets,"

 "Sir, the bookshelf is clean,"

 One by one each person that Baekhyun brought with him ended up not finding anything. This made his blood boil, that not only could they not find anything, he as well couldn't come up with anything. His whole office was clean. Countless thoughts came to mind that gave him a migraine. Where could that ID of his be? Who took it? All these questions came to mind and none of the answers that he came up with seemed logical.

 With a huge sigh, Baekhyun told everyone to go back to work, this was a huge blow for his ego. Being proven wrong was his least favorite thing in the world. Being right about everything made his day, the power he felt was his drug. It was intoxicating to him. He needed this. Slamming the folders that laid on the desk, Baekhyun paced towards Jaebeom with anger in his eyes, he was not pleased when everyone came up short in their findings.

 "I don't know where you hid that ID of yours but if it's not found in the next twenty-four hours, you are on your own." he spat.

 Jaebeom wasn't shocked that his boss was worked up over not finding the missing ID. It actually made his day. Playing coy was his strongest suit; he enjoyed playing clueless. This was a win for him, the sight of his boss losing hope little by little. Everything was falling into place on how he imagined it, sweet victory was close. All he needed was the last piece to fall into place.

 Baekhyun sighed out loud, finally releasing Jaebeom from his grip and walked out of the ruined office. Jaebeom looked around and just smirked like a mad man and decided it was time to wrap things up. Shouts could be heard from his office, which made Jaebeom run out to where the commotion was. All he saw was three cops surrounding Namjoon, who was confused with everything trying to explain.

 One of the officers quickly grabbed hold of Namjoon and roughly pushed him against the nearest wall, "Kim Namjoon, you're under arrest!"

 Copyright © 2020 franklytae. All rights reserved. Please do not repost on any platform or translate without permission.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #305

“you want me to be yours, well then you’ve got to be mine, & if you want a good girl, then goodbye”

Do you call the ice cream topping "jimmies" or "sprinkles"? They're "sprinkles" down here. What music are you listening to? Ha, I just turned on music before starting this. "Sex Metal Barbie" by In This Moment is on rn. If you go to school (HS or college) does your school have a rival? N/A Have you been baptized in any religious tradition? Yeah; I was born in a Roman Catholic family. My mom's mom would've probably had a heart attack if us kids weren't. At family gatherings, are you more likely to hang out with the younger or older relatives? I mean, I'd go for those my age or older, generally. I'd hang out with kids though if they wanted me to. Considering you current health, how long do you think you will live? With my CURRENT health, probably not even 80. Do you have anything in your room that would be 'weird' to others? Posters, yeah. Have you ever done geocaching? No, but it'd be cool if my body could actually handle taking a single goddamn step. What was the last game you won? Maybe Uno with my niece? I generally let her win, but occasionally I'm "lucky" to TRY to be more convincing, lol. I think she knows I let her, though. Do you know any deaf people? If so, is it easy or difficult to have conversations with them? No. Do you enjoy playing Monopoly? Why or why not? No, because I don't like board games, especially any that involve math. Is there a doorknocker on your front door? No. Do 'laugh tracks' on TV shows annoy you? They're so normal that I don't even notice them, really. Do people often mistake you for other ethnicities? If so, what do you usually get? No, I'm pretty obviously white. Has anyone famous ever attended your school? Who? I won't say his name for the sake of not connecting dots, but a well-known football player attended my high school. Have you ever had to attend an event that occurred on your birthday? Ha, my 16th birthday landed on the Super Bowl... I was at Jason's that night, and just to be "part of the family," we watched it with everyone else that came over. I was so bored and uninterested, but that's my own fault, really. I could have said something, but this was only a month into our relationship so I was too uncomfortable to speak up. What do you think makes a girl a slut? Do you believe that label is thrown around far more often than it should be? And finally, do you think it's unfair that mostly only women receive that label? I don't give a flying fuck how many people a girl is sexually involved with so long as she is safe and open and honest with her partners. I'm not a fan of the word and don't think anyone should be called it. Do you think it's bad to have sex at 15 or younger? I don't think it's smart, really. It's just too young to risk pregnancy. Yes, abortion is an option, but like... a 15 y/o girl should never be faced with that dilemma. I'ma be real tho, I don't think it's a "good" idea until you're at least 18, aaaand I don't know any non-virgin who waited that long. Just try your best to wait, ig. Favorite love song at the moment? Love songs never sit well with me anymore. I mean I can enjoy them, absolutely, I just... have a lot of bitterness. Trying to pick a favorite when you feel like that is like trying to pick the best-looking rotten apple of the bunch. Ever wondered what it would be like dating the same gender as you? I've done that already, and it was great but also scary in a massively homophobic state. Ever paid for sex? No. During thunderstorms, how does your pet react? Neither have a unique reaction; they're unfazed. What internet browser do you use? Google Chrome. Do you like eggnog? Noooo no no. How often do you see your mother? Every day, because I live with her. Do you like croutons in your salad? No, I really don't like the texture difference. Who did you last play truth or dare with? I don't know. Have you ever brewed your own mead, wine, beer or soda? No. Have you had to make any changes in your life lately? If so, what kind of changes? ugh What's the earliest popular thing you can remember from your childhood? Ummm. I mean, probably like Barney or Elmo? Do you prefer practicality or fashionability when it comes to clothes? Well, really neither. I'm the type that wears tank tops in snow, flipflops year-round, sweatpants in summer... so I don't really dress with practicality. I don't care what's "fashionable," so. Comfort pretty much reigns over my wardrobe. Which kinds of berries grow in the wild where you live? There are these little red ones that grow in little groups and somewhat resemble raspberries. I can't remember if they're edible, though... Oh, and muscadine grapes (I had to look up if they were berries lmao) can be found here, too. They're yummy. Beautyberries are another. Have you ever made an article of clothing yourself? If so, what was it? No. Do you go to arcades? If so, what's your go-to game at one? Even before Covid, I never really went to them. I enjoy them, though. I guess my favorite is maybe air hockey? When's the last time you had an alcoholic beverage? What was it? At the Cheesecake Factory for my birthday. It was some kind of sangria... Maybe strawberry and peach? Idr, but it was good. What has been the most enjoyable job you've had? You assume I've had a job I actually enjoyed. How about the least enjoyable job? Well, I barely lasted two hours in a dairy, soooo... When's the last time you had to carefully plan how you used your time? You're asking the wroooong person, 'cuz my life is never busy enough for that. Who do you usually say hello or good morning to first? My snake Venus, usually. Well, that is if her head is peeking out of her hide or is just fully out. Do you ever chat about your favorite video games with your friends? I don't really have gamer friends anymore, so not really. What do you hope you grow out of? Being so goddamn dependent. What movie made you cry the most? I can't say for sure considering it's easy for movies to make me cry, lmao. Maybe Titanic. What was one of the happiest moments of your childhood? Seeing a container of dog food in the far back behind the Christmas tree one year. It's how I learned I was finally gettinga dog (Teddy). What brings you the most joy in life? Probably my cat lmao. What's a hobby you would like to try out? I wanna get back into video editing, I just. Don't have the motivation for it anymore. As with most things. What sort of a kiss do you count as the first kiss? On the lips and with mutual intention. What was the last event you attended? Thanksgiving dinner at my sister's, ig. How about the last event you organized? Me? Organizing an event? What's the biggest insect you've ever seen? In the wild, probably like... a rhinocerous beetle or something. NO NO WAIT. I remember at least once in my life seeing a fucking GINORMOUS moth on the ground one morning. I don't know what kind it was, but jc it was huge. How about the biggest spider? Oh yikes, I'll never forget this: an orb weaver wandering across the floor of our childhood van and under the passenger's seat. Never saw it again. I was afraid to let my feet stay on the floor for a looong time, haha. What's something you'd never ever dare to ask another person? I'd never ask certain "why" questions, like "why did you get an abortion?" or something like that. I can think of valid situations to ask most things, even controversial matters, but no one should ever have to justify something like that. "Why don't you have kids?" is another. That one gets to me. Having children is not an advancement or milestone in everyone's life, and hell, you never know if the woman's had like five miscarriages or something. What's something you've always wanted to ask someone but haven't dared? Why Mom didn't raise her eldest daughter, at least for her whole life. Katie's childhood is a big mystery to me, and I want to know more, but I know the topic is very upsetting to Mom, so I'm not about to make her explain it. What's the worst/best thing you've done without your parents knowing? Saying "worst/best" makes this question confusing... but I'm guessing you mean the best thing to me that they wouldn't have approved of? I really didn't do a lot of things that would fit that description. I can only think of a certain intimate occasion where things happened where they probably shouldn't have. If you wear earrings, what does your favorite pair look like? Ugh, I don't because of the holes being too stretched out from wearing heavy earrings too long. I still haven't gotten to putting proper gauges in so it looks less stupid. Have you ever won any money from a scratch card? Maybe like, $10 or something. How about a slot machine? I've never played one. Do like playing bingo? Sure, it's all right. What small, everyday thing makes you really happy? Cuddling with my cat. Do you enjoy puzzle games? If so, which one's your favorite? Yeah, I do. I can't really pick a favorite, though... Is there a substance you avoid at all costs? If so, what is it and why? I think in a past survey I mentioned my aversion to beer because of the association it has with my dad. I'd never be able to get a sip down. Not that I really want to anyway though, it stinks. What you would you absolutely hate living next door to? Any really busy location or travel hubs, like a train station. My childhood home was near a railroad track, and it sucked, so I can only imagine a station. What would you love to live next door to? A waterfall, uggghhhh. In the woods too to hear plenty of frogs and toads and crickets... What gives you nostalgia? It is very easy to make me nostalgic. The littlest things can do it. Hearing about/seeing/playing childhood video games, like Spyro, is a biggie. Which reminds me how damn badly I wanna play the Reignited trilogy, fuck. I just don't have the proper console. Which language do you think is the most complicated to learn? Well English is supposedly the hardest objectively, but as a native English speaker, I can't say anything about that. In my experience, Latin was like fucking impossible. Is there a place that you might call your second home? I guess Dad's house, but it's not like I'm there a lot. I feel comfortable there, though. How do you imagine your later life to look like? I DO NOT want to think about this. I fucking dread the thought. What is a job you would never in a million years want to do? A butcher. There is absolutely no motherfucking way I ever could do it, even if it kept me off the streets. What's the weirdest building in your city? *shrug* How do you keep in touch with friends usually? Facebook. Do you recognize friends'/family's vehicles by sound? Not anymore. Dad had an old car that was very easy to recognize with its shitty muffler, but he hasn't had that car in years upon years. I used to be able to recognize Jason's old car too because of sound, but primarily because he drove way too fast down our path that when I heard a car zooming over rocks, I knew it was him. What's something new you've just recently learned? It was actually a topic of recent discussion that I may have high-functioning Asperger's. Very, very unusual to learn later in life, but apparently Mom's seen the warning signs in some things since childhood, like my extreme pickiness with textures, my tendency to knead and play with my hands in situations of discomfort, my social ineptitude, hyperfixations, it actually running in our family (which I didn't know beforehand), among a lot of other things. We're not really digging into it though because it just doesn't matter; there's obviously no magic treatment for autism, and me being in therapy and having a psychiatrist to handle my meds is enough. If you were in Harry Potter, which house would you be in? Apparently I'm on the Hufflepuff/Gryffindor line when I took a survey a long time ago. Are you nagged about being on the computer too much? Not anymore, at least on the average day. Mom's accepted it by now. Dad's joked about it before though and I know others have certain opinions about it. Based on your personality, what animal do you think you'd be? Maybe a deer. Shy, reclusive, and always on alert. Have you ever been in a hot tub? Yeah. What song is stuck in your head at the moment? I have "my boy" by Billie Eilish on right now because it's stuck in my head. What's your father's middle name? John. What's the last movie you saw in theaters? Yikes, good question. I think it was The Lion King remake. Have you ever vandalized? No. What's a pet you've always wanted? Most pets I want I've had at some point or another... I guess I'll say a ferret, though I've really only wanted one in concept. I could never keep up with their maintenance, but by god they are the cutest fucking things ever. Do you like mice? I love mice! What's your favorite t-shirt? My "equal in our bones" Cloak shirt. :''') The design is so beautiful and just my style in general, plus I live to support anything Fischfuck takes part in. Did you/will you get a car for your 16th birthday? I'm 25 and still have never had my own car lmaoooo. What's your favorite tomato variety? I generally don't like tomatoes themselves, but rather products made with them, like ketchup. If I'm in the mood though, I do like tomato sandwiches with mayo and bacon; I only ever enjoyed them though if they were fresh right from an old friend's garden. Which well-known person's death shocked you the most, if any? I think Chester Bennington's was the biggest surprise. Rest easy, you legend. What's the craziest color you'd dye your hair? More like what crazy color WOULDN'T I dye it... What was the longest train ride you've been on? I've never been on one. What's the coolest hobby one of your friends has? uhhhhh idk Have you ever played in a stack of hay bales? No. If you could learn any skill, which would you like to learn? Ha, cooking. How do you like your steak? Medium well.

[whence-the-woody]

Finale commentary under the cut

So I wanted to kind of liveblog as I was watching but held back so these are my remembered reactions/second watch reactions

Bummed there was no song recap but quickly figured itd play at the end

PUPPY. Best part of the ep, lbr, Dean was so cute with him

Theyre really doing a cheesey life montage huh - still not clear whether monsters are a thing in this new world?

I was watching the mins tick by during this first montage like OKAY we get it, cheesey happy home life, move along. There was only 40 mins left of the whole show like get on with it, it went way too long 

We definately needed to restablished that Sam is neat while Dean is messy. Totally necessary to spend time on that. Also didnt Dean get houseproud when they moved into the bunker?? What happened to that?

OMG get on with it

Then becomes apparent that hunting is still a thing. Which if so what was the point of showing then doing fucking laundry and dishes while “Ordinary life” plays - if its not just an ordinary life?

At this point i thought it might go the route of them being listless without hunting as a job but then murder scene so I guess not

This whole pie sequence is stupid and a waste of time, we all know it

Dean being a cold, heartless bitch about everyone being dead. Aces. Not unexpected but still just great. How dare you be so happy about pie fuck you dude. 

DOES ANYONE REMEMBER EILEEN

Pie is the face is not funny my dudes come the fuck on

I started skipping through during the murder scene. I was bored. Like, I dont care about tension building to the murder of a family we dont fucking know. Ive always skipped these scenes, what is the damn point. Its not scary or interesting. 

GET ON WITH IT

Same old FBI bullshit. Nice to see the journal again I guess. But like, this is STILL what we’re doing? In the very last ep? Same old, different day, just like 15 years ago. Really?

Singer and Kripke. Subtle. 

I skipped through the interrogation too. I dont find the scary brother act cool or entertaining 

15 mins in and nothing has happened

Theyre trying so hard to give Dean jokes and nothing is landing, its so cringe just stop

The way the little clown faces pop up - if that supposed to be scary? Really? Its all just so silly rn

Watching it again I realise just how easy this hunt is. The answer is in the journal. They find the exact family. They find the exact barn. The kids are just stood in a cupboard. This is what takes Dean out, really? Its not even a normal hunt, its a way too fucking easy one. 

I do not remember this chick or what ep she was in, maybe theres some parallell or foreshadowing by bringing her back but if there is I dont get it

Bottom line if youre gonna bring people back WHY THE FUCK THIS RANDOM GIRL

I knew so fast he was gonna go out like that. Hanging from a fucking nail

I kept saying out loud not like this, no way, this is so stupid, its so stupid omg

I paused and tried to talk myself into putting aside how stupid and awkward it was for him to be doing this scene hanging off a pole and just try to invest in the emotion of the speech. Which I achieved at times

but why was is so awkward tho?? Just the way hes stood pressed against it is fucking weird. Also 1000% Sam couldve gotten help and he wouldve been FINE. It took so long for them to talk, an ambulance couldve been there before they were done, there was no need for this

Okay the speech did make me cry once I pep talked myself into being invested. The reference to being scared Sam would reject him, the I love you so much, Sam saying dont leave me, the stay with me and tell me its okay - all those moments got me and I did cry. I appreciated the family business line. I liked Jensen telling Jared he always keeps fighting, that was a nice reference. 

BUT there were also those moments that made me scoff, roll my eyes or laugh. The whole “always you and me” bullshit especially. The second I knew he was going to say I’ll be in your heart I yelled at them to no do it, I hate that cheesey move, then literally was like “oh my god, he did it”. It WAS NOT always going to end like this - so much of the last 15 years was proving him wrong about that. This is all just so wrong, it is not good. 

Jensen and Jared did a good job with what they were given in this scene but my god

The audacity of the Cas erasure- always you and me. FUCK YOU. 

I laughed out loud when his last shot was a One Perfect Tear. I was literally like “Oh wow they did that”

DEAN DESERVED A BETTER DEATH

It also kinda loses all impact when you see him like 2 mins later

MIRACLE IS THE REAL MVP ILY

Theyre really doing another montage. Really. Like we get it, hes sad, we didnt need the toast to understand that

Omg Miracle by his side. The best of bois. 

Looking around his room like beer and guns was all dean was. Sure. Aces. 

I choose to believe Bon Jovi was a ref to before Dean went to hell

If Donna is back why isnt anyone else?!?

Oh Jared you look so old bby. Go home. He looks older there then later in the ridiculous make up

Why is that shot made to look like hes leaving the bunker forever?? Like that makes no sense

Bobby greeting him is nice and all BUT IT SHOULDVE BEEN CAS

Also they are 1000% doing the show don’t tell by having Bobby just sit and explain everything. SO FUCKING LAZY

Cas has been out of the empty, helping rebuild heaven. Okay, fine. Even Dean’s reaction to hearing that was fine. BUT YOU ASK WHERE YOUR FUCKING BEST FRIEND IS AND GO SEE HIM. WHO IS THIS VERSION OF DEAN WTF

I know people are upset Cas is back working in heaven but I dont think its anything like before. It sounds like he helped fixed things then got his own heaven. Also he’s God’s Dad, hes not serving God, hes teaching him. I know human Cas done right is what we wanted but I dont hate this for him. BUT WE SHOULD HAVE FUCKING SEEN IT. 

Why is a memory of being a kid with his Dad what Dean is reminiscing on. They have literally reverted him back to s1. There are so many memories dean should be thinking about in fucking heaven

Hes going for a drive

Hes going for a motherfucking drive

In the car he was just in

WHY THE FUCK IS HE ACTING LIKE HE HASNT SEEN BABY IN YEARS WHAT IS THIS SHIT

Hes going to drive around doing nothing until Sam gets there are you fucking kidding me. Not going to see any of his family from the last 15 years, just driving. Absolute horseshit. 

This is the moment where you realise that this episode has changed NOTHING. This is the same ending as the last ep except theyre in heaven not on earth

ITS THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING

Okay so they skip over how Sam went from going on a hunt to walking with a toddler. OMG how unsubtle that they have literally just labelled the child Dean in big yellow letters. I couldnt help but laugh, how fucking stupid. 

I did get a bit teary when the music started I’ll be honest. But mostly through the whole montage (ANOTHER ONE) I was saying to myself This is so fucking stupid. omg this is dumb, what the fuck is this, so stupid.

They literally did a montage so long they had to play the song twice. Im just done at this point wow. 

The old man make up is so bad I just laughed. The only pictures being of the 4 of them, reinforcing the Winchester only bullshit, great. Not even pics of this new random family Sam’s got. The painfully cliche Dad moments for Sam, again so bad its funny. Omg the hand on the head of this random kid, this is so ridiculous. Old man sam in his bad wig trying so hard to move like hes old and crying in the impala. Wtf is happening, this is SO STUPID 

I thought theyd cast a more attractive son I’ll be honest. So he has the tattoo - are they a hunting family? Because that would go against both s1 Sam they’ve tried to go back to and the s15 Sam they build up to for all those years

I know they were going for an emotional parallel with that “you can go now” but this random man saying it to Sam in that make up, with the music cue lined up right there - its just funny coz its so dumb im sorry

I cant believe they actually played another different version, I’ll never get over that

Theres alot of things I’ll never get over

Is this bridge supposed to mean something? They shouldve picked a setting that meant something

I know theyre trying so hard to make Dean look happy and peaceful to convince us its a good ending but sis no

I laughed out loud when Dean turned around - WHAT IS THAT OUTFIT SAM?

Really, they have nothing to say? No questions, no convo? They just have cheesey smiles and look over the water? This is so wrapped up in a fucking bow trying to force us to feel good my god

The cut almost immediately to them talking to the camera, still in character getup, was so cringe I yelled and turned it off

And they pan out to literally none of the people we want to see . Great, Good. 

LITERALLY WHAT WAS THE POINT 

[willykappymarnsmatts]

Wrong Direction: Chapter 3 (K. Kapanen)

@moriellymakesmesoft

My phone rings with a FaceTime call from Kasperi a few hours after we texted. My heart stops and I feel like my chest is about to explode. I let it ring out twice before swiping right on the screen to answer the call. When it connects, I see Kasperi wearing a light pink hoodie with the hood pulled up over his wavy brown hair. He looks so cozy, so comfortable. He smiles gently at the screen when I answer, taking me in the same way I am him.

“Hey,” he says so gently it's almost a whisper.

“Hey,” I say back. I turn on my side, laying under the covers on my bed. I continue to just watch him, my heart swelling. My feelings are so conflicting, but one thing I know for sure is that I'm still just as much in love with Kas as I was the day I met him, and that might never change. He was the first person I ever fell in love with.

“Look, Y/N, I feel so bad for what I did. Like, fuck, I don’t even know how to say what I’m trying to, uhh…” he looks away from the screen as he talks and tries to come up with words to explain himself.

I giggle slightly. He looks back at the screen, his brown eyes sparkling. “I missed that laugh.”

I smile gently back at him, my temples throbbing. “I'm still mad at you, Kasperi.”

He pouts. “I know. I know you are. I hate myself for ever causing you this much pain, believe me. I wanna fix this. I want to be the one to love you.”

“It's really not that easy. What you did is unforgivable. Do you really think I'll run back to you just like that? I have some self-worth, Kas, and I know I didn't deserve that. That night, I wanted to make you a nice dinner because I felt bad for leaving you at home while I was working, despite the fact that there was nothing for me to feel bad about because I was out working. I wasn't the one cheating.”

“I know. I know, I’m so fucking stupid. I really fucked up, I know. I don’t deserve a second chance. I don’t even deserve you talking to me at all right now. I deserve jack shit, I know that. But I don’t want to lose you. Is there any way I can fix this? I’ll do anything to get you back, Y/N.”

I look away from the screen and take a breath. When I look back, he's staring at me with the same doe-eyed expression as when he first asked me out. “I don’t know.”

He looks like he might cry, and in the back of my mind I feel bad for being so harsh, but I quickly push that thought away, reminding myself how grave his mistake really was. I went to sleep crying for months. I gave him my all for what felt like forever and he threw it all away in one action. Everything felt like it was built on lies upon lies upon lies. He runs his hand down his face and pushes his hair back under his hood. “What do I do to fix this?”

I'm silent for a moment, wondering if there is even a way to fix this. “Why did you do it?” I wince as soon as the words leave my mouth, unsure of whether or not I really want to hear his answer. “I, uhm, I never gave you a chance to explain yourself.” After I saw him in bed with that girl, I left without saying another word to Kasperi. And even though that's justifiable, I still feel a little guilty.

“I thought you didn't love me anymore. You were always out doing album promotions, and it felt like there was so much distance between us. I felt like you were pushing me away, and I didn’t want to believe that, I didn't want to think about it. I needed a distraction, and that sounds so fucking stupid, I know. I regretted it as soon as she walked into the apartment.

“Y/N I need you. I need you to understand how badly I need you. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't function without you. I know I don't deserve a second chance, but if you just trust me I know I can fix this. Let me fix us, please.”

I'm silent, thinking and trying not to think. “Kasperi that's the whole point, I can’t trust you, no matter how badly I want to. Please believe how badly I want to trust you like I did. But I'm coming back to Toronto next month. William’s letting me move back in with him.”

Kasperi’s eyes brighten at the news. “Then let me take you out. Let me, Y/N. Please. I miss you so fucking much, oh my God.”

I smile slightly at him, and it grows wider when I see his eyes brighten at the sight of it. If there were such things as soulmates, one person made specifically for another, I think that Kasperi would be mine. There's a lot of hurt in my chest when I look at him or think about him, but there's also an overpowering amount of love. “That would be nice.” He smiles so wide, the first smile he’s given me in what feels like forever.

“I'm going to fix this. I'm going to win you back. You're gonna be my girl again, baby, trust me. Oh, just you wait and see.” I can't help but smile back at him. There's a large amount of trust that he has to win back, but just hearing his voice makes me feel safe and warm and happy.

“Let’s see, Kasu.”

He just smiles back at me. “So, uhm, how are things in Montreal? How’s Domi?”

“Well, he's very much not on your side in this whole thing,” I laugh, to which he smiles and shakes his head.

“He was never on my side, it's not like I lost a fan or anything.”

I laugh, and the nerves in my stomach about calling him, about opening back up a wound that was just starting to heal, are gone. I still have my guard up, but he's my safety. He's my normal, my happiness.

My everything.

So I have to give him a chance to fix this. I have to give us a chance to fix us. Because he's my world, and it would be a mistake to throw everything in the garbage without ever trying to fix it. We continue to talk for a few more hours until I glance at the time and see it's close to three in the morning.

“Do you have practice tomorrow?”

“Yeah, at six. Why?”

“Because six is in less than three hours.”

“Are you joking?” He jumps slightly and his eyes widen as he searches frantically for the time to see if I'm telling the truth. I laugh at him and he calms down, smiling at me. “You're so beautiful.”

“Stop it,” I smile. “I know what you're trying to do and it's not gonna work, Kapanen.”

“I don't know what you’re talking about. I'm simply telling the truth.”

“You have to go to bed.”

He pouts at me. “I don't.”

“You do. I know you haven't been sleeping, you have to sleep tonight. In your own bed.”

He frowns, but nods. “I don't wanna hang up. I never want to stop talking to you ever again.”

“Yeah, well, your phone’s gonna die, and if you wanna talk after practice you should charge it.”

“You'll talk to me after practice tomorrow?” He sounds like a little boy who just got told he'd get ice cream after practice.

“Well, that's usually when I call William, but if you call me first…”

“Oh, I will, don't even worry.”

We stare at each other in silence.

“Good night, Y/N.”

“Good night, Kasu.”

“Can you hang up? Because-”

I cut him off by pressing the end call button and smile. Not even two seconds later a text dings.

‘HEY!!!!’

‘Go to bed.’

‘fine. but only bcuz ik i get a chance to win u back’

‘Mhm. Gn Kasu.’

‘gn <3’

I smile at the phone screen and put it on the table next to my bed. I should probably get up and take a quick shower before falling asleep, but I decide to just shower in the morning. I don't want to break the feeling Kasperi gave me. I smile as I shut my eyes, thinking that he really might love me as much as I thought he did before everything spiralled out of control.

I go to sleep with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes for the first time in months. Maybe I'm a fool, but that's what love does to you. I'm willing to give Kasperi another chance, because he really might be my forever person. I missed him more than words can describe, and I can't wait to see him again, to feel his embrace. I will always love him, no matter what, and despite the amount of hurt he made me feel, I know that we can make it past this.

He means so much to me, and I want to try to make it work, at least once more. I don't want to give up hope of a future with him, a future of late night calls when he's on the road, him coming to my shows, and little kids running around the house. I don't want to give up hope of a life with Kasperi, and I know that we can fix things between us. He loves me, and I love him, and with that we can get through anything together.

‘R u awake?’

‘im going 2 sleep rn but ya’

‘We’re gonna be ok. It'll take time, but I think we're gonna be ok, w each other’

‘trust me, Y/N, i will never ever hurt u again. i love you sm’

‘I love u forever, no matter what’

‘<3’

[runnfromtheak]

fanfic author’s tagging game (yay!)

Thank ya darling for tagging me!!!! @boyblunder-thedarkheir!!!!!

AO3 Name(s): LostandLonelyBirds aka RUNNFROMTHEAK

Fandom(s): Primarily Batfamily (so, Dick Grayson) and Young Justice (along with DCU obviously, but I also dabble into Miralculous Ladybug, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Harry Potter, and MCU (none of which I will ever seriously write for? Idk man).

Number of fics: 22 I will admit to (how do you have so many, my dear @boyblunder-thedarkheir​? What is your secret?)

1. Fic you spent the most time on: Are we talking writing or thinking about writing, cause those are two very different answers. I spent the most time writing this bitch of a fic I’m working on right now, and the most time thinking about the two latest installments of my main series, Death is But An Illusion (aka How Could He and How Could It Be). I agonize over every goddamn detail with Dick’s anger, Jason’s Jason-ness, and every person’s every move and word. I am a mess, and I’m going to be murdered if I don’t update them soon. I am not sorry about that XD

2. Fic you spent the least time on:  You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) aka my pick-your-own-canon clusterfuck of Dark!Dick Grayson and Dick Grayson being traumatized and tortured with no comfort (Some of them are so fucked up I question my own mind). I take less than an hour to write 80% of them, cause they’re short, and they very rarely take any time to plan. Fun and easy!

3. Longest Fic: At present, he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn)  is my longest, but the fic I’ve been hinting at on my other tumblr, @lostandlonelybirds​ is easily double the length (why do I do this to myself? Why am I like this?) the long boi (named one, not the one I won’t shut up about) is easily my best fic at the moment, and I’m so excited to write a sequel whenever I get the chance.

4. Shortest Fic: With Bated Breath and Pain You See (We're Nothing More Than Memories) technically, I have one shorter than that, but it’s a collab that wasn’t my original idea so I’m not counting it :)

5. Most Hits: You Came Behind Me Secretly and Shattered Every Piece of Me (There's Blood On My Hands) why do you people like this trash-fire so much? I don’t understand

6. Most Kudos:  How Could He which does not surprise me.

7. Most Comment Threads: Technically, How Could He followed by the trash-fire AU title thing I’m too lazy to type again, but I’m gonna love on this one: Just Close Your Eyes (No One Can Hurt You Now) because it’s my baby, and it deserves it okay?

8. Fave Fic You Wrote: Ooo we are doing a top five.

             5. How Could It Be (Jason is precious and sad and Dick is oblivious, and I love one-sided pining wayyyy too much)

             4.  How Could He (I put my life force into this stupid fic, so ofc it’s here)

             3. I'm Scared to Live But I'm Scared to Die (I'm Numb Inside) (the suicidal boy, major trigger warning)

             2. I See Things That Nobody Else Sees (And It's Slowly Killing Me)  (the only fic I’ve ever written from Cass’s perspective, and definitely one of the creepiest and most fucked up. Bruce does not look good here)

             1. he had a chest full of heart and a body full of scars (pain became the only way that he could ever learn) (so ummm Bruce doesn’t look good here either? RHATO #25 if DC wasn’t cowardly and let Dick react how he actually would, aka fuck Batman is the new motto)

9. Rewrites?: Fuck. All my older ones? Everything? Who knows.

10. Share a bit of your WIP or share a story idea that you’re planning:

Let’s do two. I’m nice.

First comes from How Could It Be:

“You loved him,” Donna says, ignoring his barb. “You loved him, and no one’s seen you or heard from you and I’m concerned, damnit.”

 She punches his shoulder roughly, and he’s reminded of her strength, no matter how small she seems in her dead best friend’s sweater.

 “I’m fine. Peachy-keen. Couldn’t be fuckin’ better. Honestly, you should be more concerned with Replacement, don’t think he’s slept in—”

 “Jason.” Her voice is firm, even as her eyes swim with tears and she holds her arms tight to herself, breathing in the well-loved item’s scent. Jason wonders when Dick wore it last, if Donna had taken it from his abandoned Gotham Penthouse or his Chicago Apartment. He wonders if he’d left it draped over the couch, like the natural disaster he was, or if it had been folded neatly in a drawer.

For someone who prides himself on not being sentimental, Jason suddenly wishes he had something of Dick’s too.

 “I’m here because I care, and because if Dick was here, he’d be doing the same thing I am.”

 “But he ain’t here,” Jason snaps, “Is he?”

 Donna’s head falls, and he feels like a giant jerk. He just… reacts poorly to that name, hasn’t heard it spoken since the transmission and subsequent funeral, since the guy he’d had the hots for since wearing the scaly panties had his mask ripped away and his life taken in front of Bruce’s eyes (who, to absolutely no one’s surprise, failed to save his son).

In the aftermath, no one said Dick Grayson’s name, always Nightwing, or some inane nickname the superhero community had for him. Last time he said it was to Damian, a failed attempt at comfort. But even Jason’s form of mutual grieving had been better than any of Bruce’s shit ideas. Bastard immortalized the ripped costume from his own son’s corpse (not that it had been the first time) and hadn’t even had the decency to give it a plaque (No ‘Good Soldier’ or ‘Good Son’, just a bare glass case with a bloody suit). Which… was weird. Jason was far from B’s best friend, but even he noticed something seemed strange, off, just not quite right. Like the funeral he didn’t speak at, like the breakdown none of them had witnessed beyond a one-off rage fit

“B, what the fuck happened down here?”

The Batcave was a disaster, dents glaringly obvious in several vehicles and a large spiderweb crack across the Batcomputer. Bruce closes the screen down, but Jason manages to catch a spiraling eye.

“Nothing, just…”

Bruce looks at the spare Nightwing costume none of them had taken down yet, still clean and ready for use (too bad its owner died and would never wear it again).

“Dick?” Jason questions, and the way Bruce’s eyes snap to his face is almost suspicious, almost enough to arouse concern.

“Yes. I—”

Jason sits next to Bruce on the desk, crossing his arms over his chest.

“I miss him too, Old Man. Don’t mean you need to be an ass about it.”

 A memorial next to Jason’s own, but Dickhead’s is empty and broken from Damian’s fists and grief, and Jason’s is just gone. No one told him why, it was just gone.

Kind of like Dick.

He wonders if Bruce would have told him if the video hadn’t been broadcast, if he would’ve told anyone. B did love his fuckin’ secrets.

 “No,” she whispers, and he can hear the tears in her voice, can feel her grief as keenly as his own. It’s palpable, tangible, “He’s dead, and I’m alive, and I don’t know how to handle it.”

 And then, to Jason’s mounting horror, she starts crying openly.

…..

Second comes from my one I’m working on rn with Stray!Dick called I See Sunset In Your Eyes (I Hate This Part Right Here)

“Come on,” Wally says with a pout, dragging an overly amused Jason and Dick with him through the karaoke bar doors. “Donna and Roy are waiting for us, and Dick had to take forever to primp.”

 Dick shrugs with a grin.

 “Beauty takes time, time I can tell you did not take.”

 Jason snorts, and Wally glares at him.

 “At least I don’t take five hours to finish getting ready.”

 “At least I can last longer than five minutes.”

 “Ouch!” Roy butts in, throwing an arm around Jason and Dick’s shoulders. “Claws are out tonight!”

 “Speaking from experience?” Jason asks, eyebrow raised.

 Dick smirks without comment, sauntering past the group towards the table Donna’s lounging at.

 “Hey gorgeous twin of mine,” He greets with a kiss to her eyes. She smirks, rolling her eyes at him.

 “You’re just stroking your own ego with the twin tacked on, Wonder Boy.”

 Dick bumps his shoulder against hers.

 “Can’t I stroke both our egos?”

 “You can stroke mine,” Wally mutters, turning red when Stray winks at his phrasing. Jason and Roy both facepalm, groaning. “Not what I meant guys!”

 “Why Kid Idiot,” Dick replies, hand on his heart, “I had no idea you could be so forward~!”

 Wally glares, waving over the waitress.

 “Round of shots, on this dick,” he jerks his thumb at Stray, offering up his fake ID. She doesn’t bother checking it, probably because this is Gotham, and they were all in uniform. “Whisky, please.”

 “Trying to get me drunk?” Jason jokes. It is, after all, his first big outing with the Titans for non-mission reasons. Stray had practically dragged him out of the Manor with a wink at Alfred and a middle finger for Bruce, saying that Jason needed to have fun outside of books.

Jason knows better than arguing with Dick Grayson-Kyle when he wants something, Stray trained him well.

 “Of course, Batboy,” Roy replies, “It’s not a Titans outing if Stray is fully dressed and everyone’s sober.”

 Dick shrugs.

 “You’ll have to get some real liquor in me if you want me to do anything like last time.”

 “Last time?” Jason asks, looking to Donna for an answer. Dick snorts. You get near naked one time…

 “Boy Blunder ended up in just his boxers in a dancing cage drunk of his ass. Everyone thought he was one of the strippers, and he made, what, three-hundred dollars in bills?”

 “Five-hundred,” Dick replies proudly, offering the waitress a twenty as she came back with their drinks. “Keep the change, darlin’!” He adds with a wink.

 She flushes, making Jason frown.

 Stray, of course, notices this and elbows Jason.

 “Don’t get jealous, Blue Jay, it’s not becoming.”

 Jason does not blush. He doesn’t, and that’s the hill he will die on.

 “I’m not. On an unrelated note, pass me a shot.”

Jason is the master of changing the subject, Stray thinks sarcastically, passing him a shot and downing one of his own.

 “Five bucks says alley cat blacks out,” Roy says smugly as Dick makes a face, the way he always did with heavier liquors. He glares at the redhead, who shrugs unapologetically.

 Donna eyes them both speculatively, taking a sip of her own drink.

 “Twenty says he gives a lap dance before he blacks out.”

 Roy snorts.

 “I’ll take it,��� and to Dick, “Don’t do it, for me.”

 Dick bats his eyes innocently.

 “Lil’ old me? I would never do something so…” He trails a finger down Roy’s chest, making him swallow roughly. “Scandalous.”

 Donna grins victoriously as Roy groans, trying and failing to hide his excitement.

 “I hate you. I hate you both.”

 Tagging whoever sees this, I suppose? 

[kachinnate]

we’ve finally come time for the one (1) annual Kayla’s Having a Bad Time post 

i don’t know anymore what exactly is wrong with me but wow!! is it bad!!! and wow do i hate it !!!!! i have not gone a day w/o crying in like a week and a half and i’m so tired, i’m literally so tired of hating myself just for existing and i’m tired of all the little things that should not upset me upsetting me only because they’re in masse, only because all together it’s so much and i only have two fucking hands 

and like in the back of my mind even fucking still i’m like “.... okay but placebo effect. okay but you aren’t really sad tho. okay but you literally just don’t want to get better you are doing this for attention you are doing this bc being content would be easy and you just want to stir the pot clearly, just stop” to the point where i’m like I Guess I Have To Prove to even myself that i am fucking justified in feeling the way that i do before my brain gaslights itself into thinking that there was never anything wrong with me to begin with and that i’ve fucking put myself in this hole myself for no reason other than ... i don’t even know! i don’t know 

makes a list in my notes :) to remember all the heinous bullshit going on :) and maybe for catharsis reasons i don’t fucking care anymore 

- it’s the anniversary of the thing. you know. ;) the kind of traumatic experience of having the people i called best friends fucking uhhh pick on me every day for the entirety of like eight months - on my eating habits on my behavior on my anxiety on the things they knew i fucking hated about myself - only for them to just. drop me all of a sudden, on THEIR own terms, as if I was the one who fucking did anything to THEM, thus rendering me from never getting my own fucking closure from the situation ! i have both of them still added as friends on snapchat and i follow them on instagram because for some reason i know that if i just blocked them it would cause problems (what problems?? what arbitrary fucking problems???) seeing their faces makes me feel literal actual dread, i can’t go to one of the restaurants in my town alone because they work there and i hate it ! i hated every second of april 2019 - september 2019 where i felt fucking psychotic for being upset over this situation, where i couldn’t convince myself that i wasn’t insane for being strung up and i couldn’t even call it trauma until like march when someone coined it that for me themselves lol ,,,, i hate myself for still giving them my thoughts, i hate myself for wondering that in a different universe where i wasn’t as fucking stupid or ditzy if they’d still talk to me. i hate myself for wondering if ***** looks at the message i left on her poster last april where i told her how much i admired her and loved her and thinks about me, because that was probably the last time i ever said anything real to her, which... haha. what a JOKE right? 

- my rsd has somehow fucking spiked and gotten so much worse in like.. the last eight days. literally when i first posted ‘sweet hibiscus tea’ i went and checked it a few days after and it had like. two dislikes? and i like. cried? :) which is so dramatic and i hate it djksgndsg i can’t go a day reading messages or texts from anyone who talks to me without finding one that’s not inherently positive and picking it apart until i’ve hurt myself over something that wasn’t even related, im too sensitive about EVERYTHING but i don’t know how to address it or deal with it so i just don’t which i think is... why it’s getting worse oop. it gets triggered by literally fucking everything i hate it here 

- one of the only things bringing me any sort of serotonin rn is making content. hense the hyperfixating on my r and on this oneshot and on the writing meme things, like. it makes me feel productive, but hyperfixating for me oftentimes leads to a bad headspace which makes me fucking disoriented when i come out of it, and like. ofc there’s the typical things w it too like me forgetting to do other shit like eat or whatever but it’s literally been the only way i can cope with myself. making things. getting validation for things. if i can entertain someone for like, ten minutes, maybe anything i do matters. maybe. fuck. 

- i can’t not self isolate myself when things are bad, i just. can’t sdjgnsd like i hate talking about myself i hate talking about the way i feel because nothing makes sense?? i encourage people to talk to me when they feel bad but i can’t ever do the same for myself because i’m a hypocrite! and like the feelings of worthlessness overpower everything i do! convince me people don’t care and shit when i know that’s not the case, but if i acknowledge that then i have to think about how i’m being selfish by fucking moping but not talking to anyone, and i just! i cannot win !!! ever! 

- ^^^^ on that note, literally the few times i’ve felt okay recently i’ve had that ripped right from me by little things people close to me have done, like !! can you not vague me?? regardless of if you see that i’m doing bad mentally or not ???? i’m begging you , i’m so sorry that i’m not acting normal but can you for one second maybe consider that i’m a person ? i may be SAD but i’m not fucking STUPID so if i bother you just tell me ??? it’s the least you can do ??????

- scared i can’t love. scared i’m not morally a good person. scared that i’m selfish but don’t realize it. i wasn’t meant to have a confidant i don’t think and who am i to ever try and subject anyone to my fucked up head 

- i’m constantly fucking terrified on my dad’s behalf because this dude is 41 years old yet i’m the fucking adult out of the two of us most of the time? he comes home drunk so often and i’ve thought that he’s had alcohol poisoning more than once and i hate being fucking scared of having to like. contact fafsa or my college like “hey can u adjust my financial aid, because i’m kind of an orphan now? :’)” we don’t have any other family, i can’t ask anyone to help me it’s literally me and him against the world and he’s put me on this pedestal of being an amazing daughter so i feel guilty at the thought of anything happening to him as if i’m his fucking guardian. he drinks so much and he’s so infidelious and ridiculous so what’s going to happen when i leave ? 

it’s just. so much. but i don’t want to be a beacon of negative shit because even after all of this i’m self conscious of making other people sad so i pretend that everything’s fine on my sc and in person , which i know gives off the vibe of “but she’s not even acting sad? :///” when i offhandedly mention anywhere that i’ve been depressed and i just. i’m sorry that i don’t post about how when i’m not staring at my huion screen i’m fucking staring at the wall wondering if anyone would fucking notice other than my dad and my coworkers if i just disappeared without a word

it feels selfish to complain about my life feeling bad with all the shit going on, too, on top of that. so it’s better if i just don’t say anything at all, there’s other shit to deal with other than my life falling apart because really this just happens every year around this time doesn’t it. i’ll get over it. i’m being dramatic and stupid and in like two months none of this will even fucking matter 

tldr; i need to get my meds upped or something 

[dirtycreekwater]

Three Hours Behind, Five Hours Ahead

description: Logan Roman and Virgil are in a long distance relationship and trying their best to deal with that. having separation anxiety, Virgil struggles the most.

genre: fluff & hurt/comfort. human au.

word count: 1,109

ship: romantic analogince

warnings: some implied nsfw stuff. not graphic at all. don’t think theres anything else but hey lemme know if you need something tagged

a/n: this isn’t really gonna be a chaptered series?? i don’t really know what it’s gonna be tbh but it’s something. also Remus might be a minor background character at some point so remrom/incest shippers please do not interact thank you

——

Sunlight was slowly starting to filter into the room; not that Virgil had even noticed. His eyes were glued to his phone screen, the blue light emanating from it putting a strain on his eyes. He was sure they were bloodshot, having stayed up all night staring at said screen in the total darkness. He could hear his boyfriends’ voices scolding him already.

As if on cue a quiet ping brought his attention to the top of his screen. It was Logan, his Logan, in the group chat he and his boyfriends had created when they first met online. He already knew exactly what that nerd had said. He didn’t even have to read the preview.

Logan 🐝🖤 6:04am

Why are you on tumblr at 6 in the morning, Virgil?

Surprised he took this long to message me, Virgil thought.

Virgil 6:05am

bc i love torturing myself apparently idk

Logan 🐝🖤 6:05am

Please stop doing this to yourself, love.

Virgil 6:07am

but babe i need the memes

Logan 🐝🖤 6:08am

What you need is sleep. Try to now, please?

Roman 👑❤️ 6:08am

Ugh Virge wtf go to sleep 🙄

Virgil couldn’t help but smile at that. Roman cared in his own way, he was quite different from Logan. And Virgil himself was pretty different as well. They were certainly a strange trio, but it worked so well.

Virgil 6:10am

i don’t wanna sleep

Virgil 6:10am

also shut up Ro you should be asleep rn too it’s 3am for you

Logan 🐝🖤 6:11am

Why don’t you want to sleep? And yes I agree. Go to sleep, Ro.

Roman ❤️👑 6:12am

Aw but guys I don’t wanna either :(

Virgil 6:13am

sleeping alone sucks

Virgil 6:13am

i miss you guys

Roman 👑❤️ 6:13am

Same 😭

Logan 🐝🖤 6:15am

Oh, loves. I miss you both too.

Roman 👑❤️ 6:15am

😭😭💔💔

Logan 🐝🖤 6:16am

But you can’t keep doing this to yourselves.

Virgil 6:17am

you cant stop me

Logan 🐝🖤 6:17am

Virgil, please.

Virgil bit his lip, maybe a bit too hard, and set his phone down. He hadn’t realized he started crying until his vision completely blurred. He felt silly really, crying just because he was alone. He wasn’t really. He had his boyfriends, he did. He had group chats, and facetime, and other video calls, and tumblr blogs. He had them. It just didn’t feel like enough. He recalled the first time they all met in person. They stayed in Roman’s house in Los Angeles, California. Logan flew in from London, England and he himself flew in from his small Pennsylvania town. It was truly the best week of his life. Roman had a huge bed, too big for just one person. It was perfect for all three of them, and god he felt so lucky. He remembered the way Logan’s Quasi-British accent sounded in person, and the way Roman’s boisterous voice seemed to fill an entire room. He especially remembered the way Roman’s sheets, and their skin felt against his own; the way their hands tangled in his hair, and lips moved over his. All he wanted was that week back.

Logan 🐝🖤 6:22am

Virgil? Roman?

Virgil took in a shaky breath, and picked his phone back up. He was just going to let himself be vulnerable, completely honest. He could do that.

Virgil 6:23am

i just hate being long distance so fucking much,, i can’t handle it,,, i just wanna be held again,,,

The next five minutes were the most nerve wracking minutes in Virgil’s whole life. Okay, maybe less nerve wracking than the time he waited for their responses to his crush confession. That was quite horrifying, but honestly this felt pretty similar. Like swallowing knives. The typing bubble had disappeared, and reappeared many times. He almost wanted to turn his phone off, and never turn it back on again.

Then finally a message appeared.

Logan 🐝🖤 6:28am

We’re not going to be long distance forever, my love. I promised you both that a while ago did I not? And I always keep promises, yes? Come on, it’s been two years. You should know that by now. Don’t lose sleep over this. Everything will be okay soon, very soon.

Virgil almost hated how good Logan was at comforting him, and Roman. He was always saying emotions were gross, and they just weren’t his thing, but yet somehow he always seemed to handle them perfectly.

Virgil 6:30am

damn it L how dare you make me cry more

Roman 👑❤️ 6:31am

How dare you make me cry as well!

Logan 🐝🖤 6:32am

My intention was only to reassure, and comfort. I apologize.

Virgil 6:33am

yeah well you did exactly that you stupid nerd

Virgil 6:34am

but um can we start facetiming more often? like at night? hearing your voices and seeing your faces really does help me sleep

Roman 👑❤️ 6:35am

Yes!!!

Logan 🐝🖤 6:36am

Well, being a few hours ahead of the both of you makes that quite difficult, sweetheart. I’m sure we can work something out though.

Virgil 6:37am

man fuck timezones

Virgil 6:38am

im gonna fight time

Logan 🐝🖤 6:38am

Maybe do that after you sleep.

Virgil 6:39am

no right now

Virgil 6:39am

im gonna do it

Roman 👑❤️ 6:40am

I’ll help 🗡🛡

Virgil 6:40am

sick 🔪💣

Logan 🐝🖤 6:41am

No fighting the abstract concept of time. Sleep now. Both of you.

Roman 👑❤️ 6:42am

But Looooooo

Virgil 6:42 am

:(

Logan 🐝🖤 6:42am

No. Sleep.

“God, we’re dorks,” Virgil said aloud to himself. He then took a deep breath to calm himself before he typed out a new message. “Quit being a little bitch, Virgil.”

Virgil 6:43am

ok but can we facetime first? pls?

Roman 👑❤️ 6:44am

Yeah!!! You free rn Lo?

Logan 🐝🖤 6:44am

I’m always free for my loves.

Virgil 6:44am

thats gay

Logan 🐝🖤 6:45am

Excellent observation skills, Virgil. You never fail to impress me.

Virgil 6:45am

shut up

Logan 🐝🖤 6:45am

Why don’t you make me?

Virgil started to respond but the facetime screen, and obnoxious ringtone cut him off. Of course Roman would purposefully interrupt his and Logan’s bickering. Logan always did the same to them. Rolling his eyes he hesitantly accepted the call, and rolled over onto his side so he could hold his phone more comfortably. He broke out into a wide grin once he saw his beautiful boyfriends smirking back at him.

“Hey, guys.”

——

tag list: @royallyroman @crazyfangirls-stuff @easy-meta-knight @shyanonarchives